On to next topic.

You're one person I share my honest thoughts with. Really, we aren't even very close, not even close actually, but well, your sincerity chews on my guilt apparently. And, I thought you would understand me, but that advice was..uncalled for. I hate it when people give me advice when I didn't ask for it. Explicitly. And I know, even if I did, I already have my own answer. I also know, I'm being over sensitive when you're just trying to tell me that you care.

I've got to learn to stop assuming people know what I'm thinking. It's becoming an extremely bad habit.

And I should stop being so sensitive. I read into people a lot, I admit. For my own insecurities, fears and maybe even pride, I read into peoples' words, actions, expressions so much, I think I'm a little over sensitive to these things. And when people don't do the same, to try and understand me a bit more by what I'm trying to tell, I get pretty upset. Which, I admit, is unreasonable.

How more flawed can I get? Tell me, how am I going to get a boyfriend/husband who'll tolerate this mess that's me? ROFL, just a thought. That's probably why I don't understand how men who marry into my family tolerate all of us bitches who blow up at no particular reason. Even I can't tolerate us sometimes, I don't know how they do it. I seriously respect my dad and my cousin.

I think this whole post can just be summed up to 'Damn, I'm too tired and busy being incoherent at the moment'. Gym was tiring. I'm losing my stamina, strength and everything but weight.

All right, I think I should sleep early. Morning paper tomorrow.

I'm thinking A levels is actually going by very fast, which is an extremely gratifying news for me, because I just can't wait for it to be over, just like the rest of the world doing the same boring papers as me. I don't know about people, but I don't even really care about the days in between to study, because all I want is for it to be over. Period. Not like I'm expecting to do extremely well if I had the luxury of more days to study, gosh, no. Never. So whatever crap I was lamenting about how I want it to come later and bullshit, just ignore it. Because this is the truth.

IDGAF. I think too many things have happened to make me want to. Actually, it's not like even if I did, it would have been much better. Don't try to convince me otherwise, because I'll just get pissed with you, like how I've gotten pissed over people who tell me to not think of giving up/go study or some encouraging shit you think I'll listen to. I appreciate you caring for me, letting me know in a subtle way that 'you're being such an dumbass for thinking it doesn't matter when it freaking does and you better get your ass moving before you regret it. Don't say I didn't warn you'. Well I get the message, but nope, I'm stubborn as hell and I was just trying to be honest with you.

I think people would think I'm just in an angsty mood and just having teenage problems. And adults will be APPALLED by me thinking it's fine even if I don't do well. Well, suck it up. Because yes, I am angsty and I'm probably doing this out of spite and I might even regret it later like all you irritating people said and will go 'I told you so', and yes, I still live under the impression I WILL do fine. I'm ridiculous, I know, and I don't care if you want to judge me that way, because I've had enough of being good for other peoples' sake.

Stop fucking trying to guilt trip me into doing things I hate, and judging me for even trying. That goes out to so so so many people out there, from the past, from the present.

I should end this rant before I go out of hand, out of control, or out of my mind, for that matter.

Whoever's actually reading, stop reading and go study, unless you have the same state of mind as me.

I can just imagine the amount of lecturing and bullshit I'll get if my parents actually catch wind of this. *Snorts* Not like they ever will, anyway.

Pointless rant is pointless. It's pretty much meant for me to mock at how much of a fail I am at being a social norm and how brainless I can be.