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♥Eden.
Where it all begins.
成长必经的过程。
♥Wednesday, April 28, 2010.

好久没用中文打文章了,还蛮想念在课堂上写作文的那种感觉。就算文笔不好,还是硬要装成很懂的样子,很小孩吧。

其实我应该睡了,但还是很想打文章。说真的,没什么特别的意义。

和队友看了《艋舺》。好热血的一部电影!我不常看电影,也不会评论一部电影是好是坏,但我真的很喜欢这部电影。帅哥是原因之一,但不是最重要的啦。它给了我一种很真实的感觉;虽然我根本没看过80年代的风貌,但从这部片稍微能感受到生活在那时代的感觉。而且我觉得它带出了很多主题,而这些主题的交集点对我来说很深刻。总之,我只能说,我还想再看一次,再感受一次那份热血,我想我不管看几次都不会累。

其实我在这几天,或者说这几个礼拜,想了很多。球队的事,课业,Faculty(我真的很想知道这翻译成什么),家庭,自己,朋友。换个方式说,我何时不在想这些事嘛,真是的。有痛,有血,有泪,有笑,有伤,有怒,有恨,有爱,还有很多东西,其实都是我们都经历过的。就如标题,全都是成长所必经的过程。总觉得,有了这些,才会感觉到自己真正存在,这不只是个很长很长的梦。我在博客上说过,在我很小的时候,常问妈妈我是不是活在梦里,是不是有一天睡着的人醒来了,我就会消失不见。小时候也很喜欢想,人死了到底会怎么样;是不是还有意识,只不过不能的动,还是会到另外一个地方去,或者就消失不见。

长大了,其实还是会思考这个问题,但不同的是,想着想着,总会把自己拉回现实,责备自己,干吗想那么无聊的东西,好好过日子不就好了。也对啦。但说真的我还是很好奇。

其实人人常挂在嘴边的“意义”,到底是什么?套句《艋舺》里的话,“意义是三小,你老爹只听过义气,没听过意义啦!” 可是那不是重点啦。但人们常说,要找人生的意义,可那到底是什么啊?因人而异,我知道,但是我们朝向的,不就是一条路吗?路虽然是自己选的,终点还不是一样。

我发觉我是个很忧郁、很悲观的人。但那也只限于人生观吧。我待人处事的态度还是挺积极、乐观的。之中的反差,我也不了解,更不想去了解。简直是无痛抓痒嘛。其实想一想,我也没想象中那么乐观。可能别人看起来是这么一回事,但谁知道我独自一个人时是在想什么。但我不喜欢把悲伤挂在脸上。别人碰触到伤疤,狠狠地在上面划多一刀,我也宁愿笑着面对他,在私底下哭泣。不管有意或无意,这对我来说也是疗伤的过程吧。

Wai Yee told me before, I'm not easy to read. 当时我否定了她,但想一想,其实那是真的。我很少把真正的感情透露出来,把心中的感觉摆在脸上。表面上很随和。。。吧。至少我是这么认为。

谈了很多,也还有很多东西想说,但我再不睡,明天就完了。

可能会有很多人认为,我很“假”。Act cheem. 我不知道。可能我也这么认为把。

题外话-我房间要变蚂蚁窝了!恶心死了。

可能这几天还会心血来潮,在打几篇中文文章。没想特别让人看,想为自己生活做个记录罢了。

|| At 12:26 AM, Jocelyn thought so.♥ ||


Me.♥

Jocelyn

110692
Netballer

HC
Apollo
09S73

NY
NYSC
402
206

angjocelyn@hotmail.com


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