Well. Today was basically..horrible. :( I don't even feel like talking about it. I was so delirious I forgot my GP tutor's name. My goodness.

I'm extremely excited about tomorrow. :D Its our junior's big day! :D NYSL Invest 2010. :D Dang, am I excited. And yes, I'm getting excited about crafting a speech I'm going to deliver in approximately 12 hours. NICE. I obviously hope no one finds out.

Anyway. Off to do my speech. Wish me luck! And jiayou juniors! :D (Although like, zero person will see. Haha.)

First things first, I'm giving a speech on Thursday and my script's not out yet. Freak me.

And I really hate falling sick at this point of time. I mean, falling sick after CNY is just..cliched. Yes, I'm convinced it has reached that stage where everyone falls sick after CNY. And no, I haven't been eating goodies. All right, maybe just a little.

But really, my post isn't about that, I just had to have an intro to lead me in. Like, an intro with on link. Oops.

I think everyone's planning for their future now. Not just my year, but like J1s too. I think its a JC thing. Which I'm totally fine with, if you though I was going to diss that. Cause everyone tells us we have to start planning for the future now, which I agree with. But what the heck, we're just 17, 18 year-olds. They're scaring us by saying that its gonna decide our lives. Sure, majority, but I don't think that's the only way to how we're gonna live - like, choose one, and you're stuck with it.

But anyway. That still wasn't the point I was trying to say. And actually, I've forgotten what I wanted to say in the first place, so just let me ramble, since its my blog.

People seem to be fighting so hard to build up their portfolio. Er, the academic and whatnot achievements kind. But turning into a portfolio-whore is just..gross. I'm not saying anyone I know is. And I hope no one thinks I'm that. Like, seriously. I know I've got to look at it objectively, since these people are just working for better chances in the future. AND, all of us are supposed to be doing that. But not everyone has the, how shall I put it, calibre. Its like, how not everyone can get into Harvard or Oxford or some well-known university that yours truly here does not bother finding out (yes, that's how uninformed I am). And how not everyone can be in er.. Hwa Chong? I guess that's valid too.

And how not everyone can be..ah, a leader. And nope, I'm not trying to praise myself because I'm in HC and I'm, in technical terms, a leader. Like I said, technically, because essentially, I don't view myself as being a good leader. And when I think someone is a leader, it has a positive connotation, so I don't believe in a thing called a bad leader - if anyone's not good enough, that person shouldn't be called a leader. I'm being very critical in that sense, but I TRY (please note the word try) to see the good in everyone. Or at least a little bit of that goodness.

Honestly, I think the medicine is making me delirious. Half the time of this post, make that three quarter, I don't even know what I'm talking.

I shall just have random bursts of information about myself. Haha.

I think I'm a .. easily swayed person. If you make some sense to me I'll believe you. Maybe I'm just lazy to think of my own views. I think of myself as someone without a mind of her own. I salute people who do, and accept others who don't agree with them. I find it interesting how people have their own definition of everything. Its like, they've classified almost everything and match them to how they feel. I don't think anyone understood that. But yes. I think people are interesting, no matter how boring they may be.

And in any case, let me just whine for a while and express my self-hate. Haha. I think of myself as a follower. I don't care what other people think about this, but I am not a good leader (which I am contradicting myself, cause I just said that there's no such phrase in my dictionary as bad leader.) But its just cause, like I also said, technically, I am a leader, of my team, of my class, of my faculty. And that's why I previously said I hope no one takes me for a portfolio-whore. That's beside the point though. The point is I'm not doing what I should be doing well.

I'm a selfish person. I put my best in things I want to do. I think Wai Yee has told me this before, which I agree, that I will do things that I like, for things I don't, I still will, but I will screw it up and blame myself for it after that. I think its a vicious cycle.

I'm in a very delirious state right now. I have no idea why, but yes. Its 1am right now. The entire world population (okay no, just a few friends) told me to sleep early today. I'm sorry, but that's not exactly possible. Haha. I know it totally is, but I just refuse to let myself sleep so early. Lol. I'm just doing nothing right now. Actually I am. I'm thinking of a damn postbox design. Haha. For STAMP02. The competition sounds quite fun actually. But I'm in a bad state to think of ideas now. Like how I shouldn't be blogging right now.

To continue on the previous topic, after the short diversion. Mm. I'm not afraid to say, I crave recognition. Haha, that's dumb, who doesn't? But that happens to be the source of my motivation. Very pragmatic, huh.

Come to think of it. Maybe I'm a little more pragmatic than I like to think of myself as.

Its 4am. Haha. What on earth am I doing here. In 1 hour and 15 minutes later, I've got to wake up and go to school. Roar.

Damn me.

Wanted to do work today, since I actually have the time to. But apparently felt too groggy. Damn. Xin Yi was just saying yesterday that we have four weeks to blocks. Damn it. I'm extremely screwed, not just for Math.

Hate falling ill. Freak.

This was the first time I watched Chingay live. And I'm kinda embarrassed to say that I almost teared. I know, its so *roll eyes*. But it was really cool to see so many people. Performing, watching, cheering. It was just, overwhelming. And the fireworks were pretty! Makes me wanna go watch NDP. Haha.

Anyway. I'm quite screwed for this week. I haven't done any work for Econs and Chem tomorrow. And for Chem, I have absolutely no idea what we're doing. Can I just sit in a corner and self-study ksp. I have zero idea what the entire chapter is about. -.- At least tomorrow's a slack day. I don't even feel like swimming. Damn.

Whatever happened to my resolution of studying hard? I wonder.

Did the Doodle for Google thing. Hui Kin! You better submit with me. Haha. If not so embarrassing.

Okay. I shall go do Econs article review. Although I will still do everything in point form. Hurhur.

And my cousin called me to tell me about how she blamed her for causing her not to win. Cause she came in the early morning to fetch her. I don't know what's her stupid warped logic. Then she blames my dad for not buying his own number.

So in conclusion, my mum didn't get her second prize which was..$12k. Which I admit is a whole lot of money which I would love to have won (wah lao then I don't even need to spend my own angpao money yea). But honestly, what's not yours is not yours. Its just fated to be this way. So I can't get why she's so upset about it until she doesn't want to pick up my cousin's call.

Okay but seriously, this is MY mum we're talking about here. To tell you the truth, it isn't as surprising as it seems.

Apparently, we're both having emo days today. Maybe its the end of CNY. Haha.

And I've got work to complete by tomorrow while I'm still leisurely blogging here. But I'm honestly quite zzz-ed by my mum.

Enough about that. I've got to go do work. -.-

From CNA: "For example, one piece of bak kwa has the same calories as one bowl of white rice; and say for example, if we eat three pieces of pineapple tarts, you maybe have to jog for maybe half an hour to burn the calories."

What the. I've eaten, what, 10 pineapple tarts at least. Time to stop eating. My goodness.

Damn you nutritionists. Haha.

And er, throughout these 4 days of break, I've managed to learn dance for Mirotic. Haha. From Youtube. I've replayed the video probably 200 times. Obviously not very cleaned up, in the midst of doing so. Everything they look cool doing, I look like some retard. Roar.

Which reminds me to ask whether I can use the money for lessons. :D Who wants to join me!

Okay I'm tired. Its 3am in the morning. Zz.

Anyway.

Just to boast that I'm rich after angpao spammage. Hurhur. Headphones, speakers, here I come! :D

I'm rather tired. Haha. As usual.

But really. I haven't had a good rest this entire week. I seriously need one. But I don't exactly think I'm going to get it.

Will blog about campfire another day. I'm like, going to sleep on the table soon.

Extremely stone today. Damn.

Okay fine, I'm too tired to think of what to blog. Bio tutorial!

Honestly, I was quite pissed and am still quite pissed at how the fansigning was conducted yesterday. Maybe its because I've gone through Farenheit's one, which was damn well-organized at IMM. Honestly, the fact that there were no barriers at first was quite shocking. Okay, but I'm over that.

But I'm starting to think that the fans (i.e. us, or maybe not US, but the other people) were obviously at fault. Seriously, please tell me you'll tear down the door. Okay, we probably weren't there, and it was wrong to sneak in. I'm feeling rather stupid for doing that now, actually. Why couldn't we have been like normal, civilized fans and just queued up? But once again, its over, so no point harping on it.

Was stalking the forum today, planning to find out flight details. Apparently saw more ugliness of fans here actually. -.- So SHINee were guests for some concert today, and from what I saw on the shoutbox, some fans actually left halfway, like, after their performance. My goodness. I'm..speechless. And they held another fansigning, probably for all the concert performers. For which the whole community of Singapore on the shoutbox blew up and all hell broke loose on the tagboard. Oh and I forgot to mention, its the international forum.

Need I say more?

I think people need to be more rational. Honestly. Its not going to be a once in a lifetime opportunity, stop making it sound like it is.

Okay, I probably sound like I'm anti-fans instead, but I think there should be a limit to things.

I miss the peaceful day of queuing at Farenheit's autograph session. Gosh.

I won't discount the fact that there are really nice fans all around (I think we're kind of part of them. Just let me be thick-skinned for a while.) and there are people trying to control the crowd. Well, SFI is getting a lot more peaceful now. I think most people are rather satisfied (or maybe not), but the complaints have like, reduced by..alot, which is great.

I feel like I'm preaching or something, but honestly, woo. I'm feeling quite relieved now.

Tomorrow's going to be a long, long day. And I am so not looking forward to getting back review test results. Its quite obvious to me it'll be a big fat U.

Can't believe I saw my eyecandy today, just when I started to complain that I haven't seen him around lately. He is epic skinny. I'm getting epic fat. My goodness.

I'm tired, as you can tell.

Correction: I'm sick and tired. 10 more months to end of this year. Go me.

I WAS SO CLOSE TO SEEING SHINee! LIKE ONE FREAKING WALL AWAY! KEY! ):

Anyway, I got so tired of typing this post that I just left it there to rot for a day.

I have no idea how many times I've repeated the whole bloody story to everyone around me.

To sum it up, I think its really unfair for those who actually woke up extremely early to queue and did not manage to get in. (I know about the no overnight queuing rule, but I kind of understand why people do that..) And its just damn sad that we didn't get to see them. ):

As you can probably tell, I've gotten calmer as compared to yesterday. Haha.

I have like, ten thousand tabs on my Google chrome. Haha. Trying extremely hard to find departure details.

I want to be rich. ): I see fancams all over the world at airports. (Don't these people have to study/work?) There's like, photos of TVXQ everywhere, I have no idea how these fans do it.

On to today. Honestly, I think swimming lesson was quite fun. :) But I totally do not belong to the advanced group. -.- I don't even know freestyle.

We're doing beep test tomorrow. Damn it. I better not be too tired to go Changi airport tomorrow.