Let me just wallow in self-detest for a moment. I don't think I can do it. As you can tell, I'm really nothing close to what we had before. Like, seriously. I'm like, failing really badly. But don't worry, I won't stop here. I'm trying, trying, trying. Hopefully you see. I hope I don't let all of you down. :S

Okay that's all. Shall not take too long in that stage. Because I've got to pick myself up and go on. And sad to say, its not part of my goals or anything. I've got to get my own priorities right, and I've got to do the things that's gonna bring me there. Sorry if I disappoint you, but anything else, I'll do them, just not with the passion and rigor I treat other things with.

Was just thinking while showering. Sometimes, I realised everything I do wasn't ever in the plan I had for myself. Okay, I probably have to admit that I didn't have a plan, but I'll take it as the "normal" way. Oh but I just have to accept that I'm not smart enough to surpass that in typical way NY and HC grooms us too. So I'll have to do it another way. Haha. How pathetic. But it got me thinking about something from GP long ago (or was it language arts in NY?), about the Singapore plan and Singapore dream. I think its time we start thinking, really. We're like, going on 18. Which is a really significant marker, if you ask me. Like, when you were young, how many times have you envisioned yourself being 18? And the next marker will be 21 and poof, we're adults. Gosh. Everything happens damn fast, don't you think?

I think the fatigue is making me a little incoherent here.

Sometimes, I think whether I have too much on my plate. Maybe I do, because I'm feeling drained almost everyday. But I don't believe it. I've been through more in Sec 4, if you ask me. And I managed to do well in my studies too. Apparently, HC is another realm of a whole new different level. I'm struggling to accept my 1/30 in math. And being the competitive person I am (at least competitive to myself), I don't want to let my years of hard work in mainstream education go to waste, no matter how much I find no point in doing the things I'm doing. And that's one option they left out in the recent survey they had during math lecture.

I'm really tired. And I'll keep to my promise to myself and sleep. Now. Its 11pm. Nice.