Fine, shall go to Lasalle open house on Friday instead. Irritating. Shall change clothes and act like I'm Sec 4. Haha if not look like some retard there. Roar. I am jealous. They have this portfolio training for non-art applicants for foundation course. Its $290, marked down from $360, during open house. But damn, its for 2010 intake. Hopefully they have something like that next year. Oh wait. I just realised its a two day course over the weekends, cause the third day is interview day. DAMN. I wanna go. :(

And roar. Econs is driving me nuts. -.- I suck. Seriously.

I know how much I said I just want to get out of Hwa Chong. Haha. That remains actually. Even after I am clear headed, I still think I'll be better suited somewhere else. And no matter how much I convince myself that, after I struggle through this year, I will be able to do things I want to do. Oh. But its the start of the year and I feel like giving up already. Math test today totally didn't help. I'm probably gonna get a big fat zero.

Haha. I'm trying very hard to remain optimistic and positive, but oops, not working too well. :S For one, I don't believe in such thing as no limits (sorry, jiao lian). But that's like, my philosophy. I'm not denying its whole existence, but for some things, there are just points where you reach and can't cross. Or just don't want to cross. For once I think the I and I article about education makes a lot of sense to me. Haha.

Interest is really really really important. Sad to say, I've got zero interest in finding out how much the economy will improve by and how are oil prices gonna fluctuate further. And close to negative interest to find out the vector equation of a freaking plane. I'm just not wired to do these things okay. -.-

This kinda gets me worried about my A levels. Haha thinking too far, I know, but that's the only thing I'm looking forward to now. Or at least for it to be over.

Oh my. I think I need to spend more time in school doing work than thinking about this sort of rubbish at home. :S

Just had a sudden thought. You know how people say its good to have a goal in mind? Its true. But if your goal just isn't gonna be met by what you're going through now, there's no point to it.

Ah. I'm sharing the same sentiments with Dr Wang. I kinda hate HC. As in no, I really really love the people and everything, but its just, not me. Haha. Apparently I think I'm more of an ah lian than anything else, if that's what you want to hear.

Maybe because I'm not an adult yet, I have no idea how tough it is to be working. And I've lived a damn sheltered life so far. Seriously. I rarely do housework, I get the things that I want, I'm studying in a good school. What else can I ask for? In the end, I'm turning out to be some materialistic spoilt brat. This really isn't what I want. The meaning of life comes from the struggle. Yea, you may say, the struggle comes later. But I need to prepare myself at least, and I'm not getting that now.

Aiyah. The main point of this post is actually this. If my parents gave me a chance to get out of HC and go do something I like, I would totally jump at the chance. Irresponsible and spoilt, yes. But I've had enough of this sheltered life. (Haha, shit, there's people who'll totally want to be in my position.)

You know what I'll rather be doing now? I'll rather be studying art, dance, other languages and holding a part time job. And not sitting in front of the damn computer and fretting about how Singapore solved the unemployment problem, oh, which was nonexistent during 1970s, which means I'm doing nothing. And worrying about Bio holiday assignment, which I stopped at question 2 before I utter conked out at Li Ying's house. And stressing about Bio test. Oh and who can forget about I and I. Utter greatness.

Please tell me I'm not dreaming when I say I want to pursue art. No matter how talentless I am. (Okay wait, I refuse to admit I am talentless at it okay. At least to myself, I can meet some standards of my own.) Right, I probably won't ever end up at the top of the industry. Haha, I've seen people from around the world, who are like, so much younger than me, producing works I can never achieve (so far, at least). But I just want to do enough to make my own life MY OWN. Is that too hard a target to meet? So what if I'm untrained for like, the first 17 years of my life? Haha shit sounds like some sob story.

Read the blog of someone I look up to alot. Went back to the post which inspired me quite a bit. And I think my feelings haven't changed.

Haha. Ms Wong's 'trailblazer' suddenly popped into my mind. She reminds me a lot of Ms Yeo Pih Tai actually. Just the feel I get, that when she talks to you, she is talking to YOU and no one else. Really makes you feel loved. And I'm so glad Ms Yeo's going back to NY. Miss her so so so much. :D

Okay I'm digressing alot from my initial topic actually. And this post actually took me 1 hour to reach here. Like, wow.

I just spent another hour digressing elsewhere actually.

And sorry, I haven't done a single piece of work since then.

I know I'm cutting myself a lot of slack. I don't know what I'm expecting to happen. Haha. Seriously. I should just give myself a punch in the face.

I think I need to go back on medication. Feeling a bit nuts right now. Think its the lack of sleep.