I know I'll never become that person all of you want me to be. Maybe you've all given up on hoping that I will turn out like that. I'm not an extrovert, and I will never be one. I'm not a fire, and I'll never be one. Sorry to those whom I've let down, but I've made a promise to myself (just, actually), that this is the last time I'm apologizing to this group of people. I'm really tired of doing this over and over again, when you people don't even see that I'm trying. Do you think I want to fall short of your expectations on purpose? Who wants to go into a battle thinking they will lose?

I'm so tired of fighting this losing battle. I know I will never be that one person you can look up to.

Maybe its the help of medicine, but I didn't take those things people said to heart. I hope I don't become immune to criticisms, but I need to build up my walls again, after it crumbled before. I need to make it sturdier than before. I think I need a talk with Mrs Goh really soon; feeling a bit out of sorts after camp. Haha I'm so pathetic.

I can just announce my weaknesses here, because I'd rather everyone see for themselves that I understand and not think that I don't give a damn.

I hate talking; I hate trying to talk sense into people. I make no sense to myself; and I am water. I know I don't have my own stand, my own thoughts. Really.

I'm not into arguing. Really, please, I'd chicken out.

I give up easily. And I'm bad at sustaining my enthusiasm for something; I'm a starter, not an 'ender'.

Its like 3am now and I'm kind of delirious, as you can tell. But the point of this post isn't for anyone else. Its for me to remind myself that I need to live my own life. I'm gonna meet new people, and I'm gonna live my own life, my way. Period.

Feels so much better. But I still feel like I need to talk. Any listening ears out there?