My heart is aching.

If you don't trust in me, I don't know who else will. Now I realize, you don't.

My world collapsed the moment you said that.

And I'm hundred percent sure you lied. He doesn't say this kind of thing, only you do.

Fuck.

I don't know how to react.

Maybe that's the truth. Maybe that's why I'm so flustered by it. But no. The reason why I hate you so much for doing this is because at this point of time, you lost your confidence in me. At this time when I don't even have confidence in myself, you decide to cut off the only thing that's keeping me sane, your confidence in me.

I don't expect you to demand nothing from me. That's impossible. I know. But now you demand everything from me. Its overwhelming, you know.

I really need to talk to someone. Anyone. Please just call me. I feel like I'm going to break anytime.

Stop acting in front of me. The moment you said that to me, I've lost all my hopes that I've placed on you.

Maybe I am giving up. But I thought you said its fine before. Why is it not fine now? Just because I'm going back to normal? Do you know the pain I'm going through?

Stop threatening me. I know what I'm going to miss if I screw this up. ESIP. Scholarships. Art. I know all that.

And are you telling me you let me spend all that money just because that would be something for you to threaten me with? Haha. Now I know. Now I know. Whatever happened to "as long as you're happy"? So I'm cheating you. I lied to you about working hard. I lied to you about trying to promote. I just said all that to make you buy all these things for me. And then I don't tell you anything about my studies because I'm trying to cover up what I'm not doing. I'm faking it all.

If that's your view of me, I don't know what to say.

I don't know if that's the truth, honestly. But if you have never gone through the feeling of not wanting to do something, don't assume that of me. So I have such ulterior motives huh. I can't believe you. I can't believe myself.

Mum, I hate you.