These past few days, I've only been obsessed with one thing: hands. :D Haha. Seriously.
Today is killer day. Oh no, tomorrow is. I've got like a million things to hand in tomorrow. Its like, freak, can I don't go? But I know, if I don't go tomorrow, I won't ever feel like going back. Shrugs. I'm surviving well, I'm surviving well.
Told Wai Yee and Ying Ling about my weird and retarded dream yesterday. Its damn ... crazy. Hahaha.
Since the past, I've only been good at one thing: running away. So useless, I agree. I've never been able to face up to my fears, even myself. I'd rather live in my own world where I'm good, where I'm capable; when I'm not even close. I've always been wanting to become something, someone whom I am not. I envy people because I am not like them; I'm not smart, I'm not outspoken, I'm not efficient, I'm .. just me. I keep telling myself that I have too high expectations of myself. But its just so simple. I just need to stop being lazy.
I know I whine a lot on my blog. I really do. Haha. And I just whine about what I am not.
I think I've changed. Quite a lot. But I think there are things that have never changed.
I've always liked drawing.
I've always liked rainy days. I love the smell of it.
I've always liked the stuffy room smell.
I've always liked sweets. (I'm amazed by people who don't.)
I've always liked musky smell.
I've always hated vegetables.
I've always hated insects.
Can tell that I haven't got much likes and hates.
I used to like Hello Kitty. (I'm neutral now, even though I think its still cute.)
I've changed from liking red to blue to purple. (Haha its like some progression.)
I'm starting to like black.
I started to like to look at peoples' hands since a few years ago. :D
I'm starting to like horror and gore book and comics. (No movies please, I can't take the excitement. ><) Oh and give me Chinese. I can't stand English books lately. Unless its the sequel to Heartsick. I'll welcome it anytime.
I still don't have much likes and dislikes. That's like, sad.
I have always bitten my nails. (Oh I used to bite my toenails. Yes that is gross. When I'm adventurous I still do.) Oh but tell me to stop it. I'm trying to stop it. I shall strive to have nice hands and fingers too.
I don't know. I can't remember anything else. Actually I don't know why I'm doing this when I have so much work to do. But oh well. I'm just escaping from reality. Like, its 10 days to promos. Wow. I feel like I haven't done a thing. And there's still PW to worry about. Like my gosh.
I kinda wish I was staying on my own now. Really. I hate being treated like I can't do a thing. I more of an unsociable creature at home. I want to do my own things, do it my own way. Maybe its just the rebellious stage, but what crap. I'm 17. Maybe I can't be as meticulous as my mum in cleaning, maybe I can't be as good a cook as my mum, maybe I can't be as organised as my mum. But at least I know what I want. Its bad, not wanting to stay with my parents. But I kind of need my own space. Staying at my aunt's house helps a little, but I'm still not feeling good about others doing things for me. And feeding me. I feel like I'd rather stay in a hotel, permanently. Where at least I know I'm paying people. Okay I'm starting to sound like some spoilt brat. But I can do my own things, I'm really not a kid.
I'm kinda tired even though I slept a lot yesterday.