Today has been quite a thinking day for me. Thought about alot of things, guess I'll type them here. Since I honestly don't wish to write them out. Yes I am ego and I am selfish. So all of the below will be about me myself and I. :D

I feel sucky. Like, real sucky. Honestly, I don't want to give myself any excuse. But I just keep doing it. Just because I don't have the strength and courage to meet with my problems head on. This really sucks. Honestly. Today was a really bad day for me. It was the kind of day where I wish I could be rotting somewhere else, just not being in school. Not seeing people. Not seeing people talking and laughing. Not seeing those damn words on freaking white paper. All of it just makes me feel so disgusted. With myself. I need some real strength in me. I probably need to be fearless and not just confident. Haha.

I think I'm taking on more than I can manage now. I feel like I'm crumbling. Maybe my mum's really right in saying that I'm not strong. I'm too dependent.

I kind of want to return to double dosage. This is getting crappy.

I am freaking tired everyday. Damn. I sleep so much and I'm still tired. I'm such a pig. I know, my normal body clock requires me to sleep 12 hours a day. To feel energetic. But I've survived on 2 hours a day before. I don't know why I just can't even last past 12am these days. Its such a disgusting feeling of guilt. Maybe yes, I do feel guilty of sleeping so much and doing so little. I obviously know I can do it, I have done so much before. But I just can't bring myself to do it. Its so..frustrating.

I really like to be in the company of others. Really. I don't know what I'll do without people around me. Family, friends, people who care about me. Like now, my mind is in a whirl when I'm alone. Does solitude leads to this? Haha then I guess 17 years of such loneliness probably affected me after all huh.

I don't know what's this feeling I have. Its the kind where, I let myself off too lightly. Just because I know people don't expect so much of me now. But I feel like I'm letting myself down. Because I know I'm capable of doing so much more and doing so much better.

Fuck.

This is like the first time I ever spelt this word full on my blog. Kewl.

But really.

I'm really tired.

I just want a shoulder to lean on. I wish I could just stop. But freak, I just need to keep going on. I know I have to.

Last night was a night full of thoughts as well. I think this world is amazing.

I really feel like sleeping now. I can't take it anymore.