Maybe sometimes I get angrier after I post about stuff, but most of the time it makes me calm down and when I look back, I think, damn, I am so bloody childish to have thought this way at that time.

But yea, that's me. :)

And there's like this totally funny progression from typing lyk dis 2 like this. Haha. And the perfect punctuation and lesser of ...s. And the CAPITALIZATION of words. But I never could get rid of the Singlish and grammar errors. Haha, not like I'm motivated to anyway.

So this is just a post to commemorate my 600th post. Damn, I think there's a spelling error, but who cares.

But it doesn't change the fact that life sucks. Shrugs.

I still think I'm wasting my time here. But there's no other way, is there?

Back to work. I hate school. Damn.

Damn, the world is such a joke. I'm laughing like nobody's business. Its just THAT ridiculous huh. I wonder what we're going through all this for. A better life? Kinda the opposite, if you choose a different definition. Oh, but the you'll be classified as weird, strange, unusual. Wow I totally love the word 'unusual', they make you sound like you're a freaking alien or something. Dang, what's 'usual' anyway? The majority? Haha so they totally own at everything huh. Maybe the world will one day realise its stupid, and be like Liar Game, and play the minority game. Then at least people will think before they choose. Oh but well, doesn't make sense, since we all like to conform. Haha why think so much? So what if you're the minority; so what if you're the majority? You just live with a fucking label of usual or unusual.

Reminds me of an interesting logic I saw quite a while ago, which struck me quite a bit. Imagine you're in a classroom. The teacher asks a question, with the choice of A or B as the answer, and asks everyone to shout out their answer, one at a time. And you are bloody sure that the answer is A. Like freaking 100% sure (which never ever happens, but let's just take it as that) and you know you're going to shout out A as the answer. So the first person starts, and he shouts B. You are puzzled, but its all right, its just one person. Maybe he's just different. But then, every person that goes after him shouts B as well, loud and clear, like they are damn sure the answer is B. So it reaches your turn, what do you shout?

Haha don't try to bullshit and cut the crap about sticking to your stand. You confirm shout B one.

Haha I totally will do that. And that totally proves my point of conformity. The truth hurts doesn't it. Oh well.

I think I've been thinking too much. Not only recently, but since like, forever. Shrugs.

So I've got so much work and so little time and not a single bit of motivation. How lucky.

Damn those peole trying to pry something out of me. Haha you suckers. Think I'll give in? Think again. :D

Surprisingly this post made me feel slightly better.

Oh and YOU. YOU YOU YOU. Freaking hell. Stop giving me trouble, can? Wah lao. I'm NOT responsible for YOU. You are. So WTF can you do a closure for our sake? Or maybe just for yourself since you are the centre of the universe? But just spare us the agony, please. Don't come and bullshit with me about responsibility when you don't even have it yourself. I know I don't have, but I don't want to be lectured by somene who doesn't as well.

Haha I realise I hate a lot of people. Which people always don't realise. Haha. Lousy. Yes, you, are lousy. :D Haha so good job if you do, but no points for guessing who. Nice rhyme.

So there's Chinese tomorrow huh. Haha. I suddenly can't find why I wanted to take Chinese in the first place. Its such a torture to look at the workbook. Damn, not fun at all. I just wanted a place to learn something that's close to me, but freak, its not. But I love my class, that's all I know. :D Its been long since I spoke a lot of Chinese outside home. It makes school kind of homely.

I'm kinda tired. Okay fine, when am I not? But I'm physically tired from gym. Kinda fun, but not fun feeling the need to oil the joints in my screwed up body. I need a new one, any idea where to get it?

Its bio time. Cross here cross there. Brr.

Haha. So you're gonna do what's best for you huh. Well, I won't blame you for that. But I kinda hate you for badmouthing us. Of course, we are not the best. And just nice you have the chance to be with the best, so of course you'll choose otherwise. I have the chance to, but I won't go. Not because I don't want to be better - freak, who doesn't - but because it holds memories I don't wish to let go off. I'm childish, I'm stupid, I'm no high-flyer. Of course. But I cringe to hear you say things about it. And the best thing was you showing up. WTF, the best show ever huh. Why do you even show up?! Fuck, if you want to talk about them like that then don't freaking show up like nothing's wrong. Or at least don't let me hear it. I hate you for that. I freaking hate you for that. Sure, we're not as good, or not good enough for you, but if that's the case just get your ass out. You don't have to criticize us. Does it make you feel better to put down others? Oh, but knowing you, it probably does. Fuck.

And you too. Another one. I can't believe you guys. Freak, stop acting like nothing bloody happened. It happened, you didn't tell us, we didn't ask, end of story. Don't claim to be part of us. Think we give a damn? Maybe nicer people do. Not me. Damn you.

And I hate myself for smiling at you. Smiling at these people whom I hate to the core but because I can't hate them, I have to. Maybe I'm not tough enough, maybe I'm not in the position to dislike them. But mainly cause I'm a hypocrite as well. Excuse me, while I continue to patronize the world. Because the world don't matter to me. Since I don't matter to the world.

I hate being human. I hate being around humans. Why can't all of us be robots? At least we'll get stuff done.

I kinda need to get myself busy, so I have no time to feel sad or wasted or anything. But how do I, when I have no drive, no motivation, no discipline? I feel like that every freaking day, and I'm tired of it. I'm really tired of it. I can't sleep well, I can't think well. I can't act well.

I'm really sorry, but I can't stop myself from doing so. I know its hurting you, and I'm hurting too. But I can't let it out, I don't know how to. I need to talk, but I don't know how to. I heard about it, and its hurting me even more. Please take care of yourself. Just let me rot away. I don't give a damn.

Maybe Charlene is right. I don't really care anymore. I don't give a damn about things anymore. Maybe I'm apathetic, but honestly I don't want to be fretting over stuff that I'm uncapable of changing. Maybe I'm contradicting myself, badly, but I honestly don't want to care about things I don't want to care about. Maybe I used to care, maybe I used to try, maybe I used to dream, that one day it will change, one day I will change it. But I realised nothing could. And everything just went downhill from then on.

Not in the mood to function. Right. I'm denatured. Hurhur.

Damn. I need my daily dose of them. Urk. Its until 20th July. Grr. At least make an episode on their concert man.

I hope they come to Singapore. :D

Anyway, it was an okay day today. Wow. Got such thing as end alliteration anot. ><

Oh and thanks Qian Wen! :D I hope they can last a week and I don't finish them in 3 days. :D

Haha this is the first year I received homebaked stuff. From both Jenzi and Qian Wen. :D Yays!

I'm kinda sianed and not in the mood to do Bio. But I guess I have to. ):

And my body is freaking screwed. My thumb is swollen since months ago, my toe can't bend without hurting, my wrist is loose, my ankle is screwing up big time. WTF. I am bloody pissed. At least we're not training now, I don't have to face it. I can't believe how I'm going to try to run and catch a ball with this body. Freak.

Damn. What if I can't promote. WTH.

You know. The tomorrow that is better than today has yet to arrive.

Am I waiting for something to happen? A miracle perhaps? I should hope so. But I guess not.

Anyway, as you can tell, I'm slacking like nobody's business. But honestly, I think I'll go kuku if I am not.

Oh and by right I think school ended. Haha. What the shit. We only managed to do PW or something. Not like I'm in any state to do any other things now. -.-

Maybe I was once like that. Maybe once I had been going all out to make sure I do learn useful stuff out of things. And yes, I really really appreciate all that I have done. Honestly, I don't think I'll be able to look at projects in the same way again. I can feel my brain sharpening up with everything I do, or maybe at least felt it before, and it actually felt good, because I was learning. Learning from myself, learning from others.

And yes, everyone is trying to do that now. Projects, attachments, scholarships. Everything I wanted to do. And honestly they help. A lot. Most do anyway. Haha. But I'm tired. (Shit, I'm not saying I've gotten so many that I'm so sick and tired of doing. Haha duh no.) But I'm just really tired of fighting.

Nah. Just some things I thought about when people tell me things. Seems like I can think alot, but say very little. Oh wells.

I wanna draw. Bye.

Oh wow, Joscelin Yeo is NMP. That's cool. :D

Its time to reconsider. I'm at my limits.

What the hell. This is giving me an urge to bash the hell out of him. LIKE OMG JUST LEAVE HER ALONE MAN. SHE'S BEST SUITED WITH TSURUGA REN! YOU GET OUT!

Piang I'm getting pissed just seeing him in the picture. Urk.

Okay I'm going kinda crazy now. And I'm very pissed. ><

And yes wtf I'm am super angry with everything on earth now. Now. NOW! Grr. I shall apply. Bloody hell. Make us work our ass off for what. Its so bloody pointless.

Grr. Fuwa Sho die.

Its taking me half a year to learn how to draw two bloody eyes right. My goose. I'll take half a million year to finish a full body that is freaking proportionate.

Dang. Its time to take a rest tonight. This is driving me nuts. Oh and I bought this pencil by Faber-Castell. Supposed to auto-dispense lead. Not bad. :D But I don't quite like the feel of holding it. Grah. Its like, overly light. -.-

I'm going to do it someday! My gosh. The freaking body. -.- And my stubborness has left me without a good book at a bloody good price. It wasn't there anymore today! Groans and moans. Its time to make a trip down to Bras Basah. Hopefully I'll pick up a few bargains from there. Shrugs.

Just watched Detriot Metal City yesterday. Haha totally very .. I also can't describe it. But I kind of like the lady boss, Haha she's bloody cool. She's damn skinny though. -.-

Its good to rant. I'm kind of feeling better now.

I WILL IMPROVE. BLOODY HELL.

And remind me to stop cursing. Must be DMC. Haha.

And what the shit, my mum's totally gonna go crazy if she sees my hair + my specs together. Its the best combination. I'm now known as "the nerd". TYVM.

Its back to drawing. I swear I'm gonna get it right. Grr.

What the )(&#@*$^(@#*$&!$. Haha shit I'm damn sad. ): Why she never come Singapore! Oh man. ): I also wanna go! ): Grah.

Oh and I bought 阿密特—張惠妹意識專輯. All the songs are freaking cool. :D Nice nice.

Boo. I'm sianed. Oh and I cut my hair. Haha it looks quite retarded and toot but whatever. I kinda like it. Lol. I think I like how it looks, just not the fringe. Haha. But it feels good to cut hair. :D Yay.

I'm still sianed. Shall go find some stuff to do. -.-

Sorry mum, sorry dad, I don't mean to be doing this, but I can't control myself. I don't know why.

Maybe its just moodswings.

And oh damn. Why's the whole world on Twitter?!

I hate some people you know. Honestly I can't understand what on earth they're thinking. My goodness. Did you freaking achieve it yourself? Through your own efforts? WTF. Stop using others. Groans.

Anyway, I've been actively looking through stuff on dA and I am bloody amazed by peoples' works. Dang, I wanna be able to draw like them man. Haha but I'm still in the midst of developing my own style, which is screwed by the way cause I'm hopeless at human proportions (I honestly can't get them right >< ) but I'm sure I'll do it. If not I'll just end up doing still life anyway. Which is gonna be boring, but I guess my foundation isn't even there in the first place. ): I'll build it up. Go me. :D

So its over. But freak, school's not over. That's the shitty part. Look at our bloody 'marking day' thing. Freak. Honestly I don't feel like giving a damn.

And there's still EOM to do. Har de Har.

Disgusting. Can't even justify what I'm doing.

Let me just forget about it for these 3 days. Its time for a break. Before everything floods in again. Go figure.

And I think Salvador Dali is amazing. But he's kinda eccentric. Haha. If someone asked me what is creativity, if I'm him, I'll probably go "I'm creativity in its purest form." or something like that. Haha totally very wtf, but its kinda interesting to read about him. And honestly I love his art. Okay maybe not all the pieces, but surrealistic pieces I guess. I'm just attracted to that kind of world. :D

Its a random post cause its a random day and I'm feeling random. Smiles. :D

she felt a new day coming in.

Opened her eyes in her

quiet, favourite place.

There was no one, there to break her heart.

There was no one, there to make her laugh.

And she,

she hid the secrets in closet in her room.

Every time she felt sad,

she doesn't know since when.

Sometimes, laughing, crying felt the same.

Lying, being honest felt the same.

But then, she said,

"Life is getting better now."

Just said,

"Life is getting better now."

Told herself 'cause,

there's always someone to love

...someone to love.

She lied 'cause she loved,

but no one ever knew.

Puzzle inside her heart,

was always incomplete.

Inspite of the things she had let go,

for the first time,

she liked being herself.

:D

Feeling kinda down today. Since I totally knew I would screw Math up. And, like again, I have to blame myself for the lack of number sense. ): But its over, so I guess nothing matters.

Its Chinese and Bio tomorrow. I kinda think I won't make it for Bio. Like, honestly fail. Sigh. Why is such a failure like me studying here?

Oh and news on CNA website kind of struck me. Hurhur. Big difference between a treatment for Gold and a treatment for Bronze huh. Well, same as our school, yea. Oops, I didn't say anything. ;p

Time to mug. Screams.

Please have pity on me, pretty please. I'll promise to mug hard for math. But please please pretty please, can you not come out too many questions on integration? I realise I CANNOT do integration. Honest. I CANNOT. I'll probably skip all questions on integration. Yes it is that bad. SO pretty please.

And I'm not studying math anymore. Its bio time. Grr.

That was damn disgusting news to hear. And on SMB I see HC alumni has gotten damn zai results. Another thing that made me go what the ()@#$&*&!^@$&*!@(. How can people be so freaking smart when I'm here like some stupid kid. My gosh. People ARE different.

Freak. Freak math. Freak me.

Nice. So it ends 17 July. I've got 1 or 2 more weeks. Let me think it over. And I know someday, probably end of this week, I'll have to tell them. And discuss. And I predict screaming and crying and even beating. But I'll try. At least I hope they won't kill me for trying.

I want to go further than this. Go me.

Oh and today's Chem was epic GG. Totally. It'll be a miracle if I ever pass. Or even get a subpass. Sorry Mrs Lee, I think I can forget about H3 Chem. I should have forgotten that long ago. Lol. Tomorrow's Math. I think the last 3 days are out to torture me. Even though I'm supposed to be a Science person, I have totally fallen to the bottom. Like for everything, Arts + Science. Gosh. How useless can I get.

Anyway, since tomorrow is Math. Which I already prewarned my mum that I'm confirm going to fail, because I honestly have no affinity with numbers whatsoever. But I shall try still.

Haha I'm such a pig. I finished reading Chobits just now. And its kinda touching. Although I don't exactly like how she's drawn, or mostly just her eyes. They just look...too empty. As in I'm really appreciative of Clamp's art, but I didn't like the eyes, cause they felt really sad. Even though she's a computer but, yea. But the story plot's interesting. Just the part where there's this whole repetitive part that was quite philosophical.

Please be nice to me. And let me go for it. I just want to do something for myself. And by myself.

Haha 枉费我在南洋的四年。But I guess its just me. :D

I'm not in the mood to do math. or bio for that matter. Don't even talk to me about Chinese. Oh and Wai Yee and I were having a damn interesting conversation, and all who question us on why we still take Chinese shall take a good look and stop asking us. Hahaha. We totally realised that the whole world keeps asking us why we take Chinese. So here's the answer.

US: Shit, Friday got Chinese test, damn sian. (Or any other exclamation regarding Chinese for that matter.)

Q: HUH, WHY YOU TAKING CHINESE?

A: Haha for fun lah. Just felt like taking lor.

Q: Wah lao, Chinese very fun meh.

A: Aiyah, like a bit wasted and a bit sad if we take for four years then suddenly stop taking. So just take lor.

Q: Where got?! Wah lao, then is you choose to take one ah?

A: Haha yea.

Q: Huh. What did you get for higher chinese?

A: Er, A1?

Q: SIAO. Then why still want to take!

A: (At this point in time Wai Yee and I decided we should replay the part for question one, if the person did not already get it.)

Does that answer your questions? :P But currently, allow me to rant, because Chinese lessons are just a joke. Haha. Like honestly a joke, I bet my class will understand. :D

Anyway, its time for math. Integration is DA BOMB!!!! :D Okay maybe the exact opposite. But yea. Hopefully my high-ness lasts. ><