♥ , My Garden of Eden.

Quiz (:

♥Tuesday, March 31, 2009.

Saw the link on Wai Yee's blog. (:

Your view on yourself:

Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.

The seriousness of your love:

Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.

Your views on education

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

Success in your career is not the most important thing in life. You are content with what you have and think that being with someone you love is more than spending all of your precious time just working.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx

Quite interesting I think. (:

Anyway, today is a rare day where we are homework-less. For tomorrow at least (: Woopies. But I'm struggling to do my math tutorials which I'm lagging in madly.

Considering whether I can and should do CenTad research thing. Hmms. I shall just go listen tomorrow and decide then. :S Don't know whether I can cope though. I feel like I'm lagging badly already. COME ON, DISCIPLINE YOURSELF! Grah. Adrenaline, please come and stay and don't go away. I need the energy to pull through.

If I continue this lagging, I don't know what else I need to give up. I've given up too much already, please get me back on track.

I know, I'm more than just this.

Its just a matter of overcoming that damn high wall of activation energy.

Jiayou ne.

|| At 9:08 PM, Jocelyn thought so.♥ ||

Okay (:

♥Monday, March 30, 2009.

Today was an OKAY day. (: Worthy of a small smile. (: Woopies. As though its as plain still, but its kind of a joy that nothing exciting is happened. I don't think I can take excitement as of my state now. Hahaha!

Oh and I gave Qian Wen her ultraly belated birthday present today. Hahas! I bet you're reading this you poku. (: Glad you like it! (:

I'm developing this very weird cough, that has no freaking phlegm. I know, sounds common, but during training it felt like there was this great bout of phlegm stuck in my throat and obstructing my breathing. Piang eh, not fun at all lor.

Anyway, I see a lot of councillors-to-be busy and tired and exhausted and whining and all, but yea still all the best to all who's running! :D Feels kinda weird not being there, but I felt a flood of relief actually.

OMG I haven't gotten a present for team birthday on Wednesday. Boohoo. I'm out of ideas!

Guess what! I'm not as tired today mans! Which is a vast improvement (seeing as how I slacked my weekends off, but whatever!)! But I couldn't avoid the sleep bug during Econs lecture though.

Okay tomorrow is going to be exciting day with 2 quizzes. Chem and Bio. (: My two favourite subjects actually (: But considering I don't exactly like studying, favourite doesn't have a too strong meaning to it though. :P

Anyway, I believe its going to be a happy day tomorrow, so it shall be one! Jiayou ne! (: And I did not typo, its meant to be ne. Haha. (:

|| At 10:02 PM, Jocelyn thought so.♥ ||

Response.

♥Sunday, March 29, 2009.

In response to the emo post I just posted, I shall post an ultra happy post.

Its interesting how people remind me of each other. Hurhur.

That was OOP anyway. Hahas.

First thing to be happy about: MY PARENTS AGREED TO GET ME A NETBOOK! OMG highness. Damn happy. But its going to be in April, like mid-April. Cause my mum's getting her CPF thing. Haha yays. (: And I can finally cash in the $220 from selling PSP coming Sunday. Hopefully nothing crazy pops up.

And I'm getting Skip Beat manga! Bought online of course. OMG TSUGURA REN IS HOT LIKE ANYTHING. Please leave me in my dream world to fantasize about a guy who'll be that gentle and sweet and and and OMG HE'S JUST DAMN HOT! :D Big grin. (: Can you please come into sanjigen? Pretty please!

Sorry, I gotta have my daily dose of fangirl moments. ;P

Oh and I just read 6th volume of kuroshitsuji. As usual, I'm memsmerised by Sebastian. HOHO. And I kinda like the art for Noah's Ark Circus arc, seeing as everything is so pretty and goth. (:

But like omg, I've got Econs essay and GP corrections to churn out by tonight. To think it was going to be a productive day.

I guess I'll remain unproductive until I get my hands on the LG darling I've been eyeing. (: Please be good and fast. (: And I shall raise the idea of 3G broadband to my parents when the time (money, grins.) comes.

Till then, I shall struggle with having tabs of comics and videos tempting me. :S Wish me luck people!

|| At 9:40 PM, Jocelyn thought so.♥ ||

♥.

Its a plain day. As plain as plain vanilla. (*smirks.*) Okay I'm feeling kinda kuku today.

Okay after reviewing, maybe not as plain as I thought it was. But seeing as how much excitement I've had before, today pales in comparison.

But I think its a bad day (morally) and good day (to jocelyn, of course. (: ) today. Bad since I have just started on my homework. Reason being the good day part: I finally have a day of rest time to myself. But I don't know how much of today was rest to me, seeing as I kept getting nagged at at the back of my mind. Hurhur. About homework, about friends, about parents, about a lot of things I don't even wanna recall.

Someone just said something to me. That made me think. Is it really still fun, even without the people I truly loved? As compared to now, when I feel like I know nothing about them? Which brings back to the question Mr Tang posed to me during Sec 2.

"Why do you like it so much?"

"Because of the people."

"You mean you like it just because of the people and not the thing itself?"

At that time, I answered as I would answer anyone who asks me the question now: no lah! Of course I like it! (If you hadn't realise I'm hiding the it. And he obviously didn't try to hide it, the conversation's tweaked, DUH. So don't ask.)

But yea. I thought that was my own answer. But I realised if I asked myself the question, I can't answer so definitely after all.

Haha, seems kind of childish isn't it? But I'm a person who'd rather live like a child than an adult or even a growing teenager. I so wish to smile truthfully in front of everyone and anyone I see, even if they're strangers. But I know I can't. I can only count on people I know, but..I don't know. It seems that everyone else has a darker heart than anyone else. Like Mio and Natsu (Skip Beat, btw), its so deep I can't even get closer.

But even they are putting on a smiling facade. Who are we all kidding actually? Each other? Getting down to the truth, we're just trying to kid ourselves, aren't we?

The more I see smiles, the more I smile, the more I'm digusted.

|| At 8:27 PM, Jocelyn thought so.♥ ||

Blank.

♥Thursday, March 26, 2009.

Maybe its the lack of sleep or something, but everything feels kinda surreal to me today. Damn.

Today was a not too bad day in school, but tomorrow's not going to be the same. Like, I'm braindead for the time being.

I think, no, I'm quite sure I crumble under pressure instead of thriving on it. Its like, I'd rather escape than face it head on. Its a really bad character trait of mine. But I can't seem to find in myself the strength to change it.

I'm supposed to be doing corrections for my GP essay, but I'm making zero progress. Literally zero. Its so bad I think I need a whole new essay to pull it off. Dang.

I can predict how my grades are going to suck this year.

Feeling rather empty now. Its time to do some work. Just not the damn essay.

|| At 10:49 PM, Jocelyn thought so.♥ ||

Monologue.

♥Wednesday, March 25, 2009.

Have you ever had the feeling of not being able to breathe, even when your body seems well and fine?

What was your expression then?

There seems to be some things that you just can't change. Oh, but hang on a moment, did you really want to change them? Or are you just putting on a facade that you're trying?

How did you look like then?

Have you ever felt like wanting to unleash the same feelings you've gotten on others, just so you'll feel that tiny bit better?

What did you hide then?

An incident today just brought back a flood of feelings. It made me feel kinda..faint. I wish I could stop questioning myself. Breathes.

好想把自己封闭起来，不让人靠近，不让人捉摸。不想和人说话，不想看见。

我好怕。怕这世界会把我吞没。

我好恨。恨这世界教我什么是恨。

我好痛。这世界给了我痛。

|| At 12:24 PM, Jocelyn thought so.♥ ||

HOLIDAYS

♥Sunday, March 22, 2009.

Lol. My previous post was can't wait for holidays. But its like going to be over. Okay fine, today is the last day. Which is quite sian, cause I'm only starting on my chemistry today. :S Slackness. But I guess this week's holiday was the best 1 week holiday I've gone through so far, cause there really isnt much work to be handed in. :P

Doing Chem now. Going to ZLS's house later for bbq. (: Damn exciting. I wanna see her house! Bet its freaking gigantic and nice. Haha.

|| At 12:37 PM, Jocelyn thought so.♥ ||

♥Tuesday, March 10, 2009.

Tired as usual. ):

Went with Subha to run and did plyometrics with Ms Nyoe. Quite fun I think. (: But I'm zonked out now. And I've yet to start on lipids. ):

And I'm stoning now. Shall start work at 9.30 or 10. :P Slack.

Grah. Can't wait for holidays.

|| At 8:19 PM, Jocelyn thought so.♥ ||

♥Sunday, March 08, 2009.

I feel extremely low especially after I've had a very great and high day. Crap. I'm in a state of depression now. ): Who said mediocre was bad after all? Apparently, it works better for me than these transverse waves kind of feeling. Freaking hurts.

I feel hurt. By some of the things some people say. I know I'm really oversensitive and all, but the tone of what you said just made me feel like we're at fault. Like yes duh, but come on, give it a break.

Personally, I'm not even sure whether I'll do the same thing.

But it really hurt, mind you.

On to a higher topic, we (kind of) celebrated Jenzi's birthday today! We as in Wai Yee and I. (: And I utterly love Jenzi's karaoke system. Damn cool.

This freaking means that we didn't do any math and we are damn screwed now. Erps.

Do not have such high expectations of me. I know I'm not capable of reaching them. I know, really. Stop painting such a nice picture of me, when all that I am is nothing worth more than flesh and bones. Its really stressing me out alot, because I know. This is not who I am. Even if this is who I want to become, I know. I can never and will never be.

Give it a break.

Give ME a break.

|| At 10:04 PM, Jocelyn thought so.♥ ||