Its the feeling of looking into the projection of future and reminding you of your own past and feeling the regret for not realizing it/not being able to realize it in the present. It really sucks.
I've been popped a question many many many times. I can't even remember how many times I've had to go through the pain of having to get reminded of it. I'm not blaming those who asked; if I wasn't me, I think I will be curious too. But I really have the same fear as everyone. Same uncertainty.
Today was a good day for me until that. Doesn't mean that it spoilt my day, but it just made me feel really messed up, like I said, because it was a flood of emotions looking at the videos, the people and their actions.
I think I'm just giving lame excuses. I know I can always do it if I want to, but I don't have anymore confidence in myself that I will do well.
My senses can't help but get more screwed up by the minute. The only thing I can do now is drop it, and never look back.
But I don't know what else is going to hang on to my sanity now. I'm so screwed up at everything now. Its like, I'm nowhere. Netball and studies are all that I have now. And if those two are not going to hang onto me, nothing will.
For once I don't find peace with the statement "live life with no regrets".
Switching topics, I really really really really really miss NYNB. Its a freaking nostalgic feeling that can't be mended. And I seriously love all of you, because my 4 years would not have been filled with so much joy and laughter without you guys. (: And yes, I miss the rockwall. I love it, with all the mosquito bites that came from it. I seriously don't want to become just hi and bye friends. ):
Damn emo now. Shall stop blogging.