♥Monday, August 11, 2008.
Hello (: Have been looking at many blogs and comments on CS for the past few days, and I must say I saw disappointing things but there were encouraging things as well. Firstly, I will say my post will be incoherent, as usual, and I will really try to make it my least cliche and least 官腔 as possible. Hopefully what I'm going to type will actually portray what I'm going to say and not distort my meaning because my language is really bleh. And don't quote me okay! I'm not representing any other person/organisation other than myself.
From my POV, I think we really did it. Like what Kenneth said during our debrief, it was a project that sounded too massive etc, but in the end we did it. we managed to move 29, 000+ people to form a connected chain. And I think its really great, like, I'm not ashamed to say, oh I was part of CS. And seriously, I don't think anyone else could have been more encouraging than staff at Heartware. Come on lah, who could have been more dedicated than these people! Sorry if my words are unable to bring out how you have been really important in this project, but you have basically been the people who held this project up.
And I'm only talking about the process, not the end result.
And I think the process wasn't all that smooth and such. And I personally have things which I am not happy with, like how some things work and such and I did share my complaints with some friends, but it is not with the intention of flaming CS or Heartware or anything. Like, I think people know me. I'm a person who speaks without thinking, like most of the time. Bad habit I know, since I always regret after I say it. (I have a strong temptation to lapse into bad Singlish but I shall try to abstain from that with exception of the frequent lahs and lehs etc.)
On the actual day, I'm not really able to feel what the participants felt, especially those who had really bad feedback on the experience, since I wasn't on ground. Being at HQ was, exciting, but I don't think it would have been as fun as on ground. And sorry if all I can say about something is fun, because that's usually the thing I care about when doing things. (Bad attitude, but come on, why take it so seriously. ><) And at HQ we had our own problems, like the comms set driving us mad. (Haha, look at Izzdin and his block 3!) But I will say we couldn't have done it without the volunteers. Seeing how each of the BICs were in a mad rush when they were reporting I felt anxious for them also.
And I remember this really memorable moment when Hern Hern suddenly went, OMG the SJ boys disappeared! (Or something to that effect). Because I stood up and shouted, OMG DILEEN, YOUR SJ BOYS DISAPPEARED! (Cause it was her block's) And she frantically called her BIC and we started laughing because that sounded really funny (or so I think.)
And my point is that people don't see what happens, they don't see these moments which actually make this event worthwhile. And I dread to admit that people usually do see the bad side of things. Like I have to admit I also do that. (Like how we were cursing and swearing about the radio broadcast at HQ. And it wasn't until Kenneth talked to us about people taking initiative that we saw it wasn't entirely their fault. Although we're still (or at least I am) a little pissed off with that bit. )
But yea, I hear complaints about the sun, the people etc, but I don't hear praises for the BICs and motivators who endured all that while getting angry messages or calls from us, AND the scoldings from the teachers. I don't know what made people not see that. Maybe its the sun. Ha.
Anyway, moving on, the pledge taking part. Right, like I was saying, we did get really pissed. (HAHA look at our incident board. Sorry, inside joke to people at HQ.) But quoting Kenneth, why didn't the people take the initiative instead? And the dj wasn't entirely to blame lah, come on. Imagine if you were the one hosting, after you countdown and you don't hear any response you will have to do something instead of waiting for the silence right.
And if you ask me, I don't think you should put all the blame on Heartware, Youth EXCO or even the volunteers for that matter. Who plans a project with the intention of it not being well executed? And I think we did our best, so I don't see a reason as to why people should be flamed.
I think this post has dragged long enough. Like, I started crafting at around 6.49pm, but I kept getting distracted by work and such. And the time now is 2.32am. Fun eh. Thank goodness my computer didn't hang on me if not I will punch myself (or my com for that matter.)
Anyway I think I'm a little delirous (?) now. And I'm screwed up for tomorrow! I was out for, like the past few days and my work is really really reallllllllly ><. CMI. Crap. I hate my life now. Its like, I can't do a single thing right. Come on, my studies are like plumetting downwards. I have zero motivation to do anything. Seriously. I rather stop doing every single thing and just study for EOYs. I can't bring myself to do homework learning about how little it matters. Sorry if its a bad attitude towards learning, and people will say that doing homework is part of revision, but I can only say NO. Because I don't have to adhere to deadlines to studying; I set my own deadlines. And I'm a Water and you can say its just an excuse for me to take my time, but seriously, I CAN'T DO IT. (I'm flooded with a sudden bout of enviousness of people from other schools who have time to do other things. Things which they enjoy ): )
And I'm really not a high-achiever or whatever you call it. I'm like, struggling to make sure my life doesn't get screwed up. Yea, maybe its the usual teenage angst, just keep thinking that way. And being surrounded by so many high-flyers makes me feel quite >< myself. I don't even know what I'm fighting for now.
And I suddenly think that its a really disgusting cycle. Like these few days I was thinking, how am I going to live my life? First, I want to love what I do. And that will cost money. So I have to work. But then I will have to find a job that I will love. Then I look at what I'm studying. Oops, doesn't look like I love anything I'm studying right now. Wow. So I can't find a job that I love, can't get money, can't do what I love to do. I know, its really exaggerated but I really have to find a way to amuse myself, when I'm already feeling very low. And its really tough thinking of what I want to be in the future. Urg. Shall go sleep. My head hurts from all these.
Sorry if it was initially supposed to be a post about CS, but as you know, I'm am a random and really incoherent person, (as well as kiasu person) so I like to squeeze everything into one post. So it turned out longer than I thought it would be. But I thought it would be nice to conclude this whole post by just saying, its always easy to blame something/someone, but have you thought of how difficult it is to be blamed? Aiyah, my mighty and powderful english is too 深奧 for people to understand. You probably have to be a martian to communicate with me. :S Like I said, I'm delirious already. And its time for me to sleeeep. (: Goodnight. (:
|| At 6:49 PM, Jocelyn thought so.♥ ||