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♥Eden.
Where it all begins.
Wow.
♥Saturday, August 16, 2008.

I just realized the previous post was the 500th post. Yay.

My head is hurting like crazy and my muscles feel like jelly from the muscle relaxant. I think any type of muscle relaxant makes me go all jelly and unmovable. Don't even think I can walk properly. And my head is still spinning from the day before. Grah.

Today's dance lesson was fun! (: Whee. I've got something new to look forward to on Fridays! (:

Got to go sleep now. And I'm rather worried about CIP tomorrow. ><><

Okay the releaxant is killing me. And the point is, I last ate it yesterday night and the effects are still around. Man, what's wrong with me!

|| At 1:20 AM, Jocelyn thought so.♥ ||


Random post.
♥Thursday, August 14, 2008.

Yo. Just a short post to destress. lol. Machine utterly broke down today. Fell asleep in my chair at 5am and was almost frozen to death by the powderful aircon. And after waking up I couldn't take it anymore and plonked down onto the bed and woke up at 12 noon. So pathetic can. And am doing ih seminar AND book review now. And I better go continue before I sleep at 5 again today.

Anyway, didn't go school today. Doctor says its migraine. Don't think its the serious type.

Cut my hair. (: Its short now. EXCITING.

Okay enough of randomness. Need to work. Goodbye.

|| At 10:36 PM, Jocelyn thought so.♥ ||


Random.
♥Tuesday, August 12, 2008.

I'm going insaneeee. >< I HATE MYSELF I HATE MYSELF I HATE MYSELF. Sorry, I really can't help wallowing in self pity because I'm such a hateable person. And that chinese compre passage didn't exactly motivate me to stand up from the mess I am in.
And I'm really apologetic to my teammates, whom I showed very 臭臉to. :S (oops its in 繁體 because I was playing some Taiwan game like quite long ago and its really irritating to talk if I can't type that. ) But back to the topic, I'm really really sorry. ): Yall truly didn't deserve that. I don't know what I was thinking; probably too tired to keep holding up a facet everywhere that I'm fine and all. Its just that, I think you guys are the only ones whom I trust to let go of myself fully in front of yall. And there are still things which I hide, but I think you are the ones who know me the best. (: Can't believe its ending in 4 months. Still remembered our 4-people trials (Claudia, Jenzi, Qi Tian, me). HAHA I remember I partnered Claudia and thought she was really irritating and 欠扁. LOL. Sorry lah, just let me reminiscent a while. Because I think people are the only things in my life that matter. I think I'm really sad, but I shall stop blogging on that seeing as I've probably bored the whole lot of people who actually bother to read.

Anyway. Damn it I have a lot a lot a lot of work which I haven't done. And are due tomorrow. Ha. Tonight no need sleep lo. >< (I think I'm starting to talk abit ahlian-ish. Wonder why. Haha. Maybe I'm a trueblue ahlian. Haha no lah. Bad image bad image.)

Shall emo a while. I think my brain got split up to different segments leh, and they are working simultaneously. Like there's this corner which thinks about 'oh-crap-what-am-i-going-to-do-in-the-future' and theres a huge corner that screams 'come-on-you-lousy-fat-ass-pig-go-do-your-homework!' and a puny corner that keeps nagging 'eh-you-know-you-very-fat-anot-lose-weight-lah!' and another one 'your-face-looks-disastrous-with-all-the-pimples-and-blackheads' and there's one I've been trying to keep out but it justs keeps haunting: 'worthless-lousy-hate-hypocrite' and a lot of other rubbish lah. Oh and I tried the mirror therapy, like looking in the mirror for a while then you can see your inner self that kind. I realize I see nothing, like just an empty shell. And I ended up crying for no reason. Ha. Crazy already lah. And I'm off to watch my daily 1hr TV and then do work for the whole night. Need to find toothpicks to make sure my eyes don't close. Goodbye! (:

|| At 10:46 PM, Jocelyn thought so.♥ ||


Connect Singapore
♥Monday, August 11, 2008.

Hello (: Have been looking at many blogs and comments on CS for the past few days, and I must say I saw disappointing things but there were encouraging things as well. Firstly, I will say my post will be incoherent, as usual, and I will really try to make it my least cliche and least 官腔 as possible. Hopefully what I'm going to type will actually portray what I'm going to say and not distort my meaning because my language is really bleh. And don't quote me okay! I'm not representing any other person/organisation other than myself.

From my POV, I think we really did it. Like what Kenneth said during our debrief, it was a project that sounded too massive etc, but in the end we did it. we managed to move 29, 000+ people to form a connected chain. And I think its really great, like, I'm not ashamed to say, oh I was part of CS. And seriously, I don't think anyone else could have been more encouraging than staff at Heartware. Come on lah, who could have been more dedicated than these people! Sorry if my words are unable to bring out how you have been really important in this project, but you have basically been the people who held this project up.

And I'm only talking about the process, not the end result.

And I think the process wasn't all that smooth and such. And I personally have things which I am not happy with, like how some things work and such and I did share my complaints with some friends, but it is not with the intention of flaming CS or Heartware or anything. Like, I think people know me. I'm a person who speaks without thinking, like most of the time. Bad habit I know, since I always regret after I say it. (I have a strong temptation to lapse into bad Singlish but I shall try to abstain from that with exception of the frequent lahs and lehs etc.)

On the actual day, I'm not really able to feel what the participants felt, especially those who had really bad feedback on the experience, since I wasn't on ground. Being at HQ was, exciting, but I don't think it would have been as fun as on ground. And sorry if all I can say about something is fun, because that's usually the thing I care about when doing things. (Bad attitude, but come on, why take it so seriously. ><) And at HQ we had our own problems, like the comms set driving us mad. (Haha, look at Izzdin and his block 3!) But I will say we couldn't have done it without the volunteers. Seeing how each of the BICs were in a mad rush when they were reporting I felt anxious for them also.

And I remember this really memorable moment when Hern Hern suddenly went, OMG the SJ boys disappeared! (Or something to that effect). Because I stood up and shouted, OMG DILEEN, YOUR SJ BOYS DISAPPEARED! (Cause it was her block's) And she frantically called her BIC and we started laughing because that sounded really funny (or so I think.)

And my point is that people don't see what happens, they don't see these moments which actually make this event worthwhile. And I dread to admit that people usually do see the bad side of things. Like I have to admit I also do that. (Like how we were cursing and swearing about the radio broadcast at HQ. And it wasn't until Kenneth talked to us about people taking initiative that we saw it wasn't entirely their fault. Although we're still (or at least I am) a little pissed off with that bit. )

But yea, I hear complaints about the sun, the people etc, but I don't hear praises for the BICs and motivators who endured all that while getting angry messages or calls from us, AND the scoldings from the teachers. I don't know what made people not see that. Maybe its the sun. Ha.

Anyway, moving on, the pledge taking part. Right, like I was saying, we did get really pissed. (HAHA look at our incident board. Sorry, inside joke to people at HQ.) But quoting Kenneth, why didn't the people take the initiative instead? And the dj wasn't entirely to blame lah, come on. Imagine if you were the one hosting, after you countdown and you don't hear any response you will have to do something instead of waiting for the silence right.

And if you ask me, I don't think you should put all the blame on Heartware, Youth EXCO or even the volunteers for that matter. Who plans a project with the intention of it not being well executed? And I think we did our best, so I don't see a reason as to why people should be flamed.

I think this post has dragged long enough. Like, I started crafting at around 6.49pm, but I kept getting distracted by work and such. And the time now is 2.32am. Fun eh. Thank goodness my computer didn't hang on me if not I will punch myself (or my com for that matter.)

Anyway I think I'm a little delirous (?) now. And I'm screwed up for tomorrow! I was out for, like the past few days and my work is really really reallllllllly ><. CMI. Crap. I hate my life now. Its like, I can't do a single thing right. Come on, my studies are like plumetting downwards. I have zero motivation to do anything. Seriously. I rather stop doing every single thing and just study for EOYs. I can't bring myself to do homework learning about how little it matters. Sorry if its a bad attitude towards learning, and people will say that doing homework is part of revision, but I can only say NO. Because I don't have to adhere to deadlines to studying; I set my own deadlines. And I'm a Water and you can say its just an excuse for me to take my time, but seriously, I CAN'T DO IT. (I'm flooded with a sudden bout of enviousness of people from other schools who have time to do other things. Things which they enjoy ): )

And I'm really not a high-achiever or whatever you call it. I'm like, struggling to make sure my life doesn't get screwed up. Yea, maybe its the usual teenage angst, just keep thinking that way. And being surrounded by so many high-flyers makes me feel quite >< myself. I don't even know what I'm fighting for now.

And I suddenly think that its a really disgusting cycle. Like these few days I was thinking, how am I going to live my life? First, I want to love what I do. And that will cost money. So I have to work. But then I will have to find a job that I will love. Then I look at what I'm studying. Oops, doesn't look like I love anything I'm studying right now. Wow. So I can't find a job that I love, can't get money, can't do what I love to do. I know, its really exaggerated but I really have to find a way to amuse myself, when I'm already feeling very low. And its really tough thinking of what I want to be in the future. Urg. Shall go sleep. My head hurts from all these.

Sorry if it was initially supposed to be a post about CS, but as you know, I'm am a random and really incoherent person, (as well as kiasu person) so I like to squeeze everything into one post. So it turned out longer than I thought it would be. But I thought it would be nice to conclude this whole post by just saying, its always easy to blame something/someone, but have you thought of how difficult it is to be blamed? Aiyah, my mighty and powderful english is too 深奧 for people to understand. You probably have to be a martian to communicate with me. :S Like I said, I'm delirious already. And its time for me to sleeeep. (: Goodnight. (:

|| At 6:49 PM, Jocelyn thought so.♥ ||


Me.♥

Jocelyn

110692
Netballer

HC
Apollo
09S73

NY
NYSC
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angjocelyn@hotmail.com


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Messages.♥





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Loves.♥

09S73
Adelbert
Jenzi
Jie Min
Louisa
Teck Seng
Wai Yee
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402
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Ann
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Us!
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Teammates
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Others
:D
Blaze

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