Sometimes I feel that I trust the wrong people. Like even recently, I feel that I've been betrayed. I don't know why I did that in front of person A. I don't even know if A actually felt my pain. Because A's coldness after that really turned me off. Maybe A told that person, but I realize I don't even want to meddle with them anymore.
Which reminds me of LGM during GYLC before the trip to Holocaust Memorial Museum, when our FA told us to think of incidents where we felt betrayed, when we betrayed someone and whether we could forgive them. The only thing that just kept flashing in my mind was about you. And I WAS willing to forgive and forget. Except that things never did change.
I think the things I'm saying really don't make much sense.
I'm still in search for a person I can talk to freely. And I don't really see that in the near future. After A's incident, I don't know who I can trust. That's why I've said on my blog before, I think everyone's a hypocrite. Including myself.
Maybe I shall take up Qian Wen's suggestion to go read The Alchemist, since she said I will find a goal for my own life. Because I'm really lost now.
Which reminds me about what Ms Imelda was telling me on Friday. And I still don't know what I want to do in the future. Come on, my lifelong ambition remains as a tai tai (: and I won't even mind being a housewife with lots of kids. But what am I going to do before that? I've always had ambitions that sound too wild for me to tell people. Only when it finally happens, then can I bring myself to say, I've always wanted to do this. I shall wait until this day finally comes, but before that, I can only hang on to that little bit of sanity that's still left in me.