<body>
♥Eden.
Where it all begins.
OVER!
♥Friday, July 25, 2008.

Yay. Blocks are FINALLY over. And quite screwed for me, I must say. ):

I love Faces of FanFan! (: Uber nice (:

My eyes are going to close. But I really want to finish my written assignment. ): I feel very sorry to Ms Yeo, Zhuo laoshi and Mr Lim. :S I SUCK! ):

My sleeping patter is super screwed. AND I'VE GOT UGLY EYE BAGS AND DARK EYE RINGS. Damn depressing okay.

I hate myself. I can't say explicitly why, but I just do.

Feeling so drained out. :S I'm only energized by my daily dose of 模范棒棒堂 (:

Its like, I'm not even really very packed or anything. But I just lack the .. ACTIVATION energy to start me off. Its been like that since I came back from GYLC. Grr. I'm such a pig.

Feel like I'm ranting alot. :P

Nono. Need to conserve energy for written assignment. GOOOOOOOOOO!

|| At 12:13 AM, Jocelyn thought so.♥ ||


Personality test. ><
♥Sunday, July 13, 2008.

I feel guilty to be slacking. ><
Was just taking personality test linked from Jiaqi's blog. (:

Introverted, Sensing, Feeling Percieving (ISFP)
ISFPs are the first to hear the different drummer. Many eagerly plunge into new fashions, avant garde experiences, 'hip' trends--some even setting the trends.

More in touch with the reality of their senses than their INFP counterparts, ISFPs live in the here and now. Their impulses yearn to be free, and are often loosed when others least expect it. The ISFP who continually represses these impulses feels 'dead inside' and may eventually cut and run. (Sounds like me. ><)

ISFPs may be quite charming and ingratiating on first acquaintance, flowing with compliments which may (or may not) be deserved. On other occasions, the same individual may be aloof and detached. Some ISFP males are fiercely competitive, especially in sport or table games, and may have great difficulty losing. This competitive nature, also seen in other SP types, sometimes fosters 'lucky,' 'gut' feelings and a willingness to take risks.

Organized education is difficult for the majority of ISFPs, and many drop out before finishing secondary education. Their interest can be held better through experiential learning, at which many excel. (WOW. And to think I was talking about poly. (: )ISFPs will practice playing an instrument or honing a favored skill for hours on end, not so much as practice as for the joy of the experience.

Largely quite true I think. And when compared to other types:
ISFPs are less fantasy-oriented than INFPs. These types are often confused, however, INFPs lean strongly to daydreams, poetry, prose and more philosophical pursuits; ISFPs often live out 'id' experiences rather than writing or even talking about them.

ISFJs are driven by the conventional, by 'should's and 'ought's; ISFPs internalize their Feeling (by nature a judging function) which bursts out spontaneously and leaves as quickly and mysteriously as it came.

Because of these variant expressions of Feeling judgement, ISFPs are sometimes confused with ESFJs, but keep themselves more aloof, more often concealing the feelings that ESFJs are so apt to expose.

ESFPs express thoughts more readily (and, in the main, skillfully). ISFPs can and do perform admirably in the spotlight, but generally have little to say about the performance.

Hmm. That was quite interesting. Took another one.

Idealists as a temperament, are passionately concerned with personal growth and development. Idealists strive to discover who they are and how they can become their best possible self--always this quest for self-knowledge and self-improvement drives their imagination. (Hmm, I don't really think so. ><) And they want to help others make the journey. Idealists are naturally drawn to working with people, and whether in education or counseling, in social services or personnel work, in journalism or the ministry, they are gifted at helping others find their way in life, often inspiring them to grow as individuals and to fulfill their potentials.

Idealists are sure that friendly cooperation is the best way for people to achieve their goals. Conflict and confrontation upset them because they seem to put up angry barriers between people. Idealists dream of creating harmonious, even caring personal relations, and they have a unique talent for helping people get along with each other and work together for the good of all. Such interpersonal harmony might be a romantic ideal, but then Idealists are incurable romantics who prefer to focus on what might be, rather than what is. (lol. Sounds like me. ><) The real, practical world is only a starting place for Idealists; they believe that life is filled with possibilities waiting to be realized, rich with meanings calling out to be understood. This idea of a mystical or spiritual dimension to life, the "not visible" or the "not yet" that can only be known through intuition or by a leap of faith, is far more important to Idealists than the world of material things.

Highly ethical in their actions, Idealists hold themselves to a strict standard of personal integrity. They must be true to themselves and to others, and they can be quite hard on themselves when they are dishonest, or when they are false or insincere. More often, however, Idealists are the very soul of kindness. Particularly in their personal relationships, Idealists are without question filled with love and good will. They believe in giving of themselves to help others; they cherish a few warm, sensitive friendships; they strive for a special rapport with their children; and in marriage they wish to find a "soulmate," someone with whom they can bond emotionally and spiritually, sharing their deepest feelings and their complex inner worlds.

Idealists are relatively rare, making up no more than 15 to 20 percent of the population. But their ability to inspire people with their enthusiasm and their idealism has given them influence far beyond their numbers.

Wow. That was quite exciting. Sorry if I don't exactly sound so. ><

|| At 11:16 PM, Jocelyn thought so.♥ ||


):
♥.

I feel like shutting down my blog. ):

Urk. Looking at you dampens my spirit. ):

You too. Do you know how hurt I get when you do that? Excuse me, its not as if I don't know that on my own. Do you have to keep telling it to me in front of me?! I'm just trying to be nice and not explode in front of you, because I still treat you as a good friend. But I can't gurantee I won't if you continue hurting me like its nobody's business.

Sorry about the lately angsty and emo posts. But I don't foresee it ending soon. So avoid my blog if you don't want to get sucked in.

Its just, I still think everything is so superficial. Its like returning to when I was in primary school and I was so scared of the world I live in was fake that I kept asking my mum whether the world we live in is real or is it a dream. Which seemed really possible at the time that I was probably a dream of a very very old person and when the dream ends I am nothing but a thought that was once inside the head of someone. I feel that everything is so unreal. People too.

I FOUND A 知己!Okay wait, is that how you say it? Because we were just talking last night, after PSLC, and I realized Pei Ying has the same goals as me! (: Like, we actually secretly want to go Ngee Ann poly and go into mass communcations! Oh my. And if I'm not wrong she wants to be a housewife too. (: Yay! (: I sound very 另类 but whatever. But I was just telling her about how I wanted to join Hwa Chong and continue playing netball. So I don't know. Like, in the four years in Nanyang, going to Hwa Chong is like, confirmed. But I realized this year that, it probably isn't the best for me. Since I'm not like the smartest or anything so I don't really want to be a face in the crowd among such smart people. And please, my interest is not like, in studying and knowledge or anything like that. I'm just a simple minded person who wants to lead a simple life. Which leads me to wonder whether I was right in coming here. Actually I will still make the same decision in coming to Nanyang (although the rules make me a bit angry sometimes), and it sounds cliche to say this, but I think I wouldn't be what I am now without NY. All the good and bad parts of me (like seeing how its making me emo and angry and all that.

OHOH and I signed up for the PITCH '08 conference. (: Exciting. (:

Anyway, I really really really need to start studying but I am still struggling with the damn lots of homework from the holiday. Sorry to be such a failure. ><

|| At 10:32 PM, Jocelyn thought so.♥ ||


SAD.
♥Wednesday, July 09, 2008.

Jocelyn was feeling rather irritating by the rashes on her arms and went to check online.
She deduces that its called keratosis pilaris, since its hereditary and it does sound very much like the little bumps on her arms.
Happily she looked for a way to treat it.
Guess what?
There is currently no known cure for keratosis pilaris. D:
But apparently the best she can do is try to make her skin less dry.
And pray hard that it does disappear by adulthood, because that's what OFTEN happens.

Hope its often enough for me. ): Because I think my arms are really ugly. The articles made it sound really common, but apparently I think we lack that in Singapore. >< This made me rather depressed over the terrible state of my skin. I think my moisturizer is too strong for my face. Shall change, because it stings when I apply it. ):

Okay before I worry more about this kind of thing, I shall go do work. I'm like quite screwed. :S

|| At 8:16 PM, Jocelyn thought so.♥ ||


Wonder.
♥Tuesday, July 08, 2008.

I wonder how people keep their lives together, while mine is getting screwed up here.

Its such a bad feeling I want to just dig out my heart so it doesn't hurt so much. I think I'm going insane. Ignore me.

COME ON STOP BEING SUCH AN ___ JOCELYN ANG! Slap me awake if you would.

I don't know what I'm doing here, wallowing in self pity. There's so many other people who are doing so much better than me, and what the heck am I doing here.

I'm a great big contradiction myself.
STOP GIVING YOURSELF LEEWAY.
But I really need a break from all of this.
I'm such a failure. GRR.

|| At 10:48 PM, Jocelyn thought so.♥ ||


Strange.
♥.

Its really strange how I can be happy on some days and sad on the others. Today's an OKAY day. I think. Still feeling really stressed out by things but I hope I'm learning to let go. But as I let go, I feel myself losing my grip over my own life. Erps.

I really really really need to settle my LA portfolio. I have like, half the things missing. -.-
And my HOMEWORK FROM THE HOLIDAYS. I think my teachers are goign to skin me alive. My goose.

STOP BEING A PIG AND STOP EATINGGGGGGG. I'm feeling fat, and my complexion sucks. Oops, I sound really bimbo, but I think its really bad. I need a miracle man. >< Okay, I'm back to digging through work to find my LA stuff to throw into my portfolio. :(

|| At 7:57 PM, Jocelyn thought so.♥ ||


3rd post of the day.
♥Monday, July 07, 2008.

I think you (another person. I think I've resorted to using 'you's to protect peoples' identities. Maybe 5 years down the road when I read through my archives I might forget. Haha.) and I are really similar. We both know how painful it is to be hiding behind a mask.

I think its really easy to give up. And I'm really tempted to go the easy way out. BUT I CAN'T. Damn it, JOCELYN BUCK UP. Grr.

|| At 2:19 PM, Jocelyn thought so.♥ ||


no.
♥.

Suddenly felt like blogging, seeing that NOTHING is going right in my life (as of now that is). I don't really care what other people think about me, but I'm upset by how the same people act around me. Come on, stop being a hypocrite. At least I know who treats me right and who doesn't, and obviously these people deserve different treatment.

Sometimes I feel that I trust the wrong people. Like even recently, I feel that I've been betrayed. I don't know why I did that in front of person A. I don't even know if A actually felt my pain. Because A's coldness after that really turned me off. Maybe A told that person, but I realize I don't even want to meddle with them anymore.

Which reminds me of LGM during GYLC before the trip to Holocaust Memorial Museum, when our FA told us to think of incidents where we felt betrayed, when we betrayed someone and whether we could forgive them. The only thing that just kept flashing in my mind was about you. And I WAS willing to forgive and forget. Except that things never did change.

I think the things I'm saying really don't make much sense.

I'm still in search for a person I can talk to freely. And I don't really see that in the near future. After A's incident, I don't know who I can trust. That's why I've said on my blog before, I think everyone's a hypocrite. Including myself.

Maybe I shall take up Qian Wen's suggestion to go read The Alchemist, since she said I will find a goal for my own life. Because I'm really lost now.

Which reminds me about what Ms Imelda was telling me on Friday. And I still don't know what I want to do in the future. Come on, my lifelong ambition remains as a tai tai (: and I won't even mind being a housewife with lots of kids. But what am I going to do before that? I've always had ambitions that sound too wild for me to tell people. Only when it finally happens, then can I bring myself to say, I've always wanted to do this. I shall wait until this day finally comes, but before that, I can only hang on to that little bit of sanity that's still left in me.

|| At 1:51 PM, Jocelyn thought so.♥ ||


.
♥.

I can't breathe.
Especially when I see anything related to you.
What the heck is wrong with me?
I feel that I've become a monster.
No one can save me from this deep abyss I've fallen into.

|| At 1:40 PM, Jocelyn thought so.♥ ||


Dies.
♥Sunday, July 06, 2008.

These two days were really CRAZY. Especially the stress of being with YOU. But I don't hate you anymore. I don't think I can hate anyone anymore. Especially since you hurt me so much, I don't even want to bother hating you anymore. I just end up hating myself for getting hurt by you. Aiyah, whatever lah.

Changing to a more entertaining topic (before I lose my already puny fanbase. If I even had any in the first place ><), it was fun doing street sales today! (: And we met lots of interesting people, hor Qian Wen! (: And we have come up with an exciting slimming plan! (: Its going to be fruits day EVERYDAY! (: And we are going to use a cool and exciting notebook to take note of stuff we eat. (: We WILL slim down! (: And finally be able to wear Joleen's S size skirt WITH buckles on. (: That probably explains how thick my waist is. :S

And we were being pigs at Taka! We just kept eating and eating and eating. That's why we need to slim down!><

Erps I can't get rid of my emo-ness even though I'm trying to make myself happy. Guess it will only happen at the end of this year. You have no idea how painful it is. URG.

|| At 10:35 PM, Jocelyn thought so.♥ ||


Thank You for being there for me.
♥Friday, July 04, 2008.

This week has been a really lousy one for me. Like, really lousy.

Thank You, Lord, for hearing my prayers. And also for sending so many people to talk to me and I hear You speak through them. Thank You.

Yea, like I said, a lot of people talked to me this week. Even just a stranger who was on the train who's a mother of two daughters and she was a really nice lady. I have a sudden exclamation to make before I continue! People on night trains are ... random. Haha, like this lady who started talking to me and talked from Kallang to Jurong East. And got this weird guy when I was going home from Connect Singapore meeting who just kept scolding vulgarities in Hokkien (I suppose directed to this couple with the girl's legs on the guy's and it looked damn unglam) and acting weirdly. Scary. Okay the lady was really nice (again). And of course, MRS WONG! (: Her words truly comforted me, but I feel really undeserving. And a few other which I don't want to mention on my blog, because they are people dear to me (and of course Mrs Wong is really really really dear to me too but she deserves a BIG mention (: ) and I don't want it to come out wrong since I'm not in a very stable state to type stuff. And of course I don't want other people to take it the wrong way.

Oh and thanks Joleen Lee! (: Lol I think you got a shock when you came to find me on third floor yesterday. Haha.

Its really tough. It almost seems like I can speak to no one about my feelings. I really don't want to worry my parents too. My mum already got a huge reaction when I told her I spoke to Mrs Wong. And she sounded really upset so I don't know what I can do.

Don't ask me whether things are okay now. I don't know how to answer besides 'okay' and a smile that masks all that I'm trying to hide.

Anyway, I've got work to do. So good bye. Hopefully it doesn't happen. (Although I'm like 98% sure it will. )

|| At 11:30 PM, Jocelyn thought so.♥ ||


Me.♥

Jocelyn

110692
Netballer

HC
Apollo
09S73

NY
NYSC
402
206

angjocelyn@hotmail.com


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Messages.♥





~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Loves.♥

09S73
Adelbert
Jenzi
Jie Min
Louisa
Teck Seng
Wai Yee
Wan Jane
Wei Jing
Ying Ling

402
Adeline
Ann
Cassandra
Cherie
Eva
Jessie
Jia Le
Jia Qi
Rachel
Si Tong
Stefanie
Yun Ting

Sixers
Us!
Allyssa
Cheryl
Haidee
Jieyi
Jinqing
Jocelyn
Kah Hsing
Larissa
Lim Qing
Lin Lin
Qian Wen
Qiao Yan
Qi Tian
Rina
Sandy
Tiffany
Ying Hui
Yu Shi

Teammates
Sec3s 07
Claudia
Jenzi
Joleen
Kah Hsing
Mei Ling
Qi Tian

Nanyang
Yen Jin

Others
:D
Blaze

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Memories.♥
[ January 1990 ]
[ February 2005 ]
[ March 2005 ]
[ April 2005 ]
[ May 2005 ]
[ June 2005 ]
[ July 2005 ]
[ August 2005 ]
[ September 2005 ]
[ October 2005 ]
[ November 2005 ]
[ December 2005 ]
[ January 2006 ]
[ February 2006 ]
[ March 2006 ]
[ April 2006 ]
[ May 2006 ]
[ June 2006 ]
[ July 2006 ]
[ August 2006 ]
[ September 2006 ]
[ October 2006 ]
[ November 2006 ]
[ December 2006 ]
[ January 2007 ]
[ February 2007 ]
[ April 2007 ]
[ May 2007 ]
[ June 2007 ]
[ July 2007 ]
[ August 2007 ]
[ September 2007 ]
[ October 2007 ]
[ November 2007 ]
[ December 2007 ]
[ January 2008 ]
[ February 2008 ]
[ March 2008 ]
[ April 2008 ]
[ May 2008 ]
[ June 2008 ]
[ July 2008 ]
[ August 2008 ]
[ September 2008 ]
[ October 2008 ]
[ December 2008 ]
[ January 2009 ]
[ February 2009 ]
[ March 2009 ]
[ April 2009 ]
[ May 2009 ]
[ June 2009 ]
[ July 2009 ]
[ August 2009 ]
[ September 2009 ]
[ October 2009 ]
[ November 2009 ]
[ December 2009 ]
[ January 2010 ]
[ February 2010 ]
[ March 2010 ]
[ April 2010 ]
[ May 2010 ]
[ June 2010 ]
[ July 2010 ]
[ August 2010 ]
[ September 2010 ]
[ October 2010 ]
[ November 2010 ]
[ December 2010 ]
[ January 2011 ]
[ February 2011 ]
[ April 2011 ]


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Credits.♥
Do not remove. :)
Layout by : N-serendipity.
Icons by : Black-balloonxx.
Floral Patterns : Blue_mutzz.