♥ , My Garden of Eden.

♥Friday, May 30, 2008.

Ahhhh. I haven't gotten a day where I can actually stay at home and finish up all the super huge amount of work I've accumulated for the week. >< Oh and the first week is gone, well done.
Had a row with my mum this morning. What else but GYLC? The passport, the cheque and everything else. Stop adding to my workload can! And was late for trials. :S
Anyway I thought it was quite fun! (: Although highest point and no-drill were scary. (Even though I only ran once for no-drill) :S Oh my, I think my jumps suck. And my reaction is uber slow. Goodness. But the matches were still quite fun to play! (: Although my butt did hurt a lot after that. (Must be because I sat down and lactic acid built up. ><)
EH! I refuse to go in alone! Don't pao qi me! ): (LOL.)
Tomorrow is a disgustingly filled day. AGAIN.
Morning, I have to drop off the cheque and travel details at STA Travels (9am?). Which reminds me: HOW DO I GET THERE? Then go for Connect Singapore meeting (11am). Rush to Kallang for match (warmup at 2.45pm). I've got a feeling I have something on at night. But I can't remember. Okay I just checked and no, I don't. PHEW. I'm abit stressed about MP internship. Scared I'll forget or something.
And Sunday's not very good either. Flag Day for Inspire '08 from 10am to 2pm. MP internship (dumping festival!(:) 7pm to 10pm.
And I'm thinking of slotting a workout in somewhere. I desperately need to get rid of fats. And I want to jump higher! I seem to have stopped growing and if I don't jump higher I'll probably be drowned by tallies. HAHA.
I've got piles of newspaper unread, I realise. PSLC is making me very nervous. And scared. Connect Singapore too. BTW only one company actually called me. >< And it seems quite ex. OH AND I OWE THREE RECCE SURVEYS. My goodness.
And I can't stop chewing my nails. Its an unstoppable habit. Lol. And I think I've said it before, but I'll say it again: I think I read somewhere its a form of self mutilation. Lol. Maybe. But I think I have a tendency to do that when I'm either very stressed or very relaxed. And usually when I don't have anything else to occupy my fingers with.
That actually reminds me, was just reading books. Like on bus/MRT journeys, I'll just whip out a book from my bag. Which is good, because I don't end up sleeping. (Even though I still do most of the time. But a little is better than none.) And I've finished Love Trainer. Hmm. Okay, nothing much to say actually. Started on another book, Book of the Dead. Seems quite interesting. I think I'm starting to love this genre of books. LOL. I think I'm going mad. Okay nevermind. Anyway I really need to sleep and rest my body. Which aches like crazy. And it just serves as a timely reminder that I'm getting older. I have a feeling I'll be stuck in bed at 50 because my joints are too painful to move. Like, they are perfect for forecasting the weather. LOL. Getting old, tsk.

|| At 11:59 PM, Jocelyn thought so.♥ ||

I want to kick myself.

♥Sunday, May 25, 2008.

Can I just kick myself for being such a lazy ass. ARG. Buck up!

I realised I spelt anarex wrongly after looking at my pills yesterday. Felt a lot better, but its really addictive. I think I know how Archie (Heartsick) felt with his pillbox. Oh and heartsick is a super great book. (: It just captures the sadistic-ness in a beautiful way. But the gory stuff described inside does seem a bit too .. pervertic? In the oh-my-goodness-how-could-the-person-bear-to-do-that kind of pervertic. Anyway, I'm digressing. I was thinking that it anarex can actually stand in as a pill to cure insomnia or something. I just want to sleep all day long.

Okay I feel like doing that now. Ha. Ha. How pathetic. GOODBYE.

|| At 11:31 PM, Jocelyn thought so.♥ ||

DRAINED.

♥Wednesday, May 21, 2008.

Goodness I suck so much please. I feel my body collapsing le leh! My goodness. Cannot cannot cannot! VITAMIN C!!
I'm feeling a bit eccentric today. But I guess its normal for me. -.-
I LOVE SABBATICALS! (: Okay correction. I LOVE MY SABBATICALS! (: Both are super interesting can! (: Wheeeeeee. Except the rolling eyes and the sarcasm part. (inside joke. (: )
Anway I just did up the drawing block poster for one of my Youth Day poster designs. (: Had to liquid a bit off cause my sweaty palm smudged it. :P Had a new design also! Thought of another one, but haven't visualised how I can draw it out. I've got a lot of problems drawing humans nicely. Especially face and fingers. Urk.
Anyway I'm in a totally drained mood today. Don't ask me why. I think I better keep some anarax in my pillbox. its getting harder for panadol to work. OH NO.
Feeling really tired now. Shall go dig up some stuff and go sleep. Tomorrow's a LOOOOONG day. ><

|| At 11:05 PM, Jocelyn thought so.♥ ||

Sucks.

♥Tuesday, May 20, 2008.

Yo. Anyway I predict I'll be in a terribly bad mood today. MY DAMN PRINTER REFUSES TO WORK. I'm like, ready to spew out vulgarities. My goodness. I'm like trying to squeeze ink out of it. Anyway, I've worked the whole night on my Bio SIA product. Well done. I bet I'll really be is a super bad mood today, what with the lack of sleep and that.
And I still haven't looked up Huang Na.
Why is it that sabbaticals don't feel a teeny weeny bit like it? Looking forward to Friday. At least I'll have training then.
I've got tons of things to do this week. Apparently its the 'week before holiday' rush. Oops. And my Chem WS isn't even done.
My goodness. What is wrong with me!

|| At 4:45 AM, Jocelyn thought so.♥ ||

I DESERVE A KICK!

♥Monday, May 19, 2008.

Heyo. >< Anyway, I deserve a kick because I practically wasted my long weekend away reading books and slacking. Utter rubbish. And I'm doing my Bio SIA product now.

Anyway, I just received an sms regarding donation drive for victims of Sichuan earthquake victims. Really appreciated it, and hopefully they really get to do something about it! Shall not disclose since I didn't get her permission to talk about it. (: But still, thank you! On a heavier note, I was really..I can't describe the emotions. But it was a mixture between devastated and touched at the same time. The cyclone in Myanmar, the earthquake in China. I felt overwhelmed by what Mr Low said, that while there were people dying in China and Myanmar we're here worrying about our due assignments and such.

I know its undeniable that the world goes on, even with these tragedies, but it was really hard to swallow the fact that we appear to care so little about them. Would we be doing the same, if it actually happened to us? Sorry if it sounds a little too pessimistic or people might go, why are you cursing us? But think about it. The world is in such a state where nothing can be definite. That we will NEVER be hit by any natural disaster. I sometimes wonder what has happened to our Earth. I remember I actually cried when I saw the papers with photos from the earthquake. Mothers who were crying over their lost children. Orphans still struck dumb from the loss of their parents.

But I was touched when I saw effort being put in to help them. Was just watching the TV yesterday and saw that Taiwan actually had a fundraising..show? I don't know what's it called. But it was really touching that fundraising efforts were going on.

And I really got to go finish up my SIA. Screwed. And I still haven't read up about Huang Na. For sabbaticals.

|| At 11:14 PM, Jocelyn thought so.♥ ||

Yay (:

♥Friday, May 16, 2008.

Yay I'm sleeping early today! (: Okay, which is at 1 a.m., but I won't have to wake up early tomorrow to rush work! (I think. Even if have I also don't want to care.) Tomorrow's the start of SABBATICALSSSSSSSS. Goose. Finally we get some time to rest. And I can get to help my mum with housework, seeing as her left hand is getting a bit screwed (rheumatism, I guess. And she refuses to see a doctor.) Piang our whole family is so contradicting. Lazy to type out the whole story. Anyway I washed clothes when I came back. Oh my, I can't remember if its the right procedure, seeing as my mum taught me once quite long ago but I cannot remember a thing. Hope it isn't too bad.
Just wanted to blog about today before I sleep. Lol. Today was a super hectic day where I'm supposed to be everywhere with everyone at every time. Sounds wrong, but I don' care. Lol. I bet Hern feels that way too. Anyway, today's recce was super fun I think! Besides that stupid ass inside the big blue truck who kept on horning. What. The. Heck. And I bet its on purpose one okay! Irritating prick. I'm feeling quite pissed. Like since morning, but I guess it became better throughout the day. OH NO DAMN MOODSWINGS PLEASE DON'T COME BACK. Oh yes back to recce, which was from Marsiling to near Yew Tee. I thought the route was uber boring. -.- People standing there will be damn poor thing. Somemore the pollution is really bad there. AND THERE BETTER NOT BE IRRITATING TRUCK DRIVERS WHO ANNOY PEOPLE FOR THEIR OWN AMUSEMENT. I can't get over it. But the trip back on the bus with Eric and Hern was super funny. TRIVIA HOR, ERIC! Lol. Inside joke. (:
And we saw Zheng Liang, Cherynn, Yan Quan and I forgot who (SORRY! Please tag if you are the one. :P) when we got off at NY busstop. Hern and I became the ultimate jokers walking in the school at 8pm. >< But at least it was fun. (: And we thought about how exciting June Camp will be! (: Oh and HERNNNNNN my stockpile of gummy worms have been reduced to just 10 worms left! ): BOOOO. Hopefully the pack at Heartware office won't die. (:
Okay I better go sleep, before I become high and refuse to sleep. GOOOOOOODBYE. (:

|| At 12:56 AM, Jocelyn thought so.♥ ||

SLACKING.

♥Wednesday, May 14, 2008.

Oops. I'm slacking againnnn. Okay correction: when am I ever NOT slacking? Anyway, just a short post to rant about stuff. Sucks to be me please. My self discipline is like going to nothingness. I have no motivation to do anything. Goose.
And I really only enjoy drawing. It makes me forget EVERYTHING. Anyway was just helping to design Youth Day posters for our class. Oops, I can't do pop art for nuts. :S And I've got a big problem drawing faces. Lol, I suck. But I really really love drawing! But I don't exactly get the time to do what I want to do usually. ): Especially since I gave up the chance to continue art. Which remains a scar to me lah, because I truly wanted to continue, just that seasons was driving me nuts at that time. ): Is there any way I can do art-related stuff in the future? ):
Anyway, I got to do my reflections for SRQ. And pack Chinese file. And study for Physics quiz. Oh no. I'm so lousy lousy lousy. :S
Shall go do work. Goodbye.

|| At 10:30 PM, Jocelyn thought so.♥ ||

Priorities.

♥Tuesday, May 13, 2008.

Today's SIL we had this supposed panel discussion. Which ended up sounding too political for my liking. But in any case, I had a lot of thoughts which I didn't get to bring up while I was just sitting there. >< Since I have a great big problem with spontaneous speaking. Anyway, one question that truly made me think was the one about my priorities in life.
I don't know about others, but I guess the society currently makes people have EVERYTHING in first place on their priority list. And I think this sucks. We just keep alternating from job to job and we just keep finding a way to keep that delicate balance (which I'm upsetting terribly, I think.) of that super huge indestructable pile of workload. Which I'm currently struggling through because I'm just that pathetic.
Anyway, back to the question, I guess if I had a choice (which obviously mean I do not have one now.), my first priority will be family. I'm a very family person, probably since we're a close-knit family with just my mum, my dad and me (and me being the only child *SPOILT BRAT! but that's besides the point), I yearn to spend time with my family more than anything else. There's a reason I want to be a housewife. (:
Next, I guess, will be friends. I don't understand how, man, as social creatures, can forgo social relations for their work. -.- I refuse to conform to that, I see no point in working so hard on other things and I give up all my relationships. Maybe that's exaggerating, but I don't want to live a life of just fighting and fighting alone.
I'm reluctant to put work as next one, but I guess that has to come before play right, even though I don't want to agree. ): Self-explantory anyway.
The list's getting too long for my comfort, seeing as it just shows how different reality is. Apparently all I'm occupied with now is work, work and more work. Sorry if it sounds like I'm whining (which is exactly what I'm doing), but I really want time with my family and friends. If not who will I be working so hard for?
Sounds like a circular argument, but you get the point. I probably sound mad or something. But I'm in desperate need of LOVE. ): And I'm really glad to know that I receive unconditional love from God, because He is the only one who can do it for all of us, no matter how much we have sinned. And I really really really love my mum and dad too! Although I'm a really bad daughter, they still care for me and pamper me, which I feel really guilty for. ):
Okay I'm getting out of point. But anyway, I have to go do WORK now. Feel so inefficient I feel like slapping myself. Goodbye.

|| At 10:27 PM, Jocelyn thought so.♥ ||

Dear Diary...

♥Friday, May 09, 2008.

Sorry for having such a weird title. Anyway, just a short rant before I fly off to tackle that thick pile of things I have to settle by tonight. Its just plain disgusting that I probably need 30 hours a day for me to finish all the things I'm doing. I wonder how people do it.

1. Speech for tomorrow. (Yay, I'm finishing soon. )
2. NYAA. (Oh my goose. My reflections.)
3. Math corrections.
4. Chinese file.
5. I bet there's something else. Oh yes. Bio SPA's tomorrow.
6. Macro quiz tomorrow.

Well done. And look at what I have to do this weekends. Besides recce and meeting. (:
1. bao zhang yue du (At least this one's quite fun to do.)
2. R and R
3. Draft 2 and Reflections for SRQ
4. PSLC! (:
My brain is really screwed for now, so I just can't remember. And tomorrow's a LOOOOOONG day. I think I'll wake up at 3 to continue my work. Shall just finish my speech. Oh yes that reminds me.
5. Email Singapore Red Cross Society.
Okay I shall piece in bit by bit. Anyway I'm off to do my speech. BYE.

|| At 12:28 AM, Jocelyn thought so.♥ ||