sigh. im supposed to be doing zuo wen now but i want to sleep. grr. i am planning to study at school. or i will end up falling asleep. sigh.
weights is going to end. boohoohoo. i am going to miss leg press. im stuck. nvm. dont know what im talking about actually. NVM. oh and im going to miss my sarcastic partner CLAUDIA SNG PEISI too.
haha. yay. and i am THAT stupid to get a scratch on my leg when i was walking pass the door. thanks to the stupid lock. grr.
i am having a war with myself. so crap lah. i dont know if i should even quit! but when i think of the oral i feel so much like quitting, but when i rmb that its gonig to pull my marks up i suddenly feel the urge to go for it. and i still love jap lor. grr. sigh. havent seen a trace of happiness. because there isnt even 1 haha in here. sigh. i am feeling rather hesitant now. im feeling inferior to people who managed to hang on until now. really zi bei can. sigh. i have no appetite now. not even for chocolate truffle. currently feeling like crap lah. will there ever be a time when my heart would be at peace? grr. think im going to breakdown soon enough.
my mum says if i want to take the exams i better go for the next few jap lessons, so i better do that, and also i need to find out the timing and class of our oral. grr. im seriously horrified by orals. i hate 1 on 1 or 2 on 1 format. thats why i hate one on one tuition. i dont even like tuition. or probably because i havent had tuition before.
sigh. my life is SO disastrous. this is so crappy. grr. im drowning in a sea of uncertainty. im uncertain about everything. what will my future hold for me? i will never know. no one will. i guess ive never felt this bad before. really. recalling past incidents, ive never had a war with myself for such a long time before. being a gemini doesnt really rocks when you get split personalities sometimes. sigh. what will happen the next second? we never know.
lets hope essay question on uncertainty would come out because i have seriously lots to talk about it. sigh. my heart is bleeding. we enter with nothing but hope and expectations, we leave with nothing but memories and sadness. sigh. so, does it matters? sigh. live life like a sakura. it has a short life, but it gives nothing but its best throughout its life. but. is it possible in us?
im being quite pessimistic here. i can be optimistic and pessimistic. depending on what kind of a problem i am facing. sigh. i guess life would be full of regrets.
ok. chocolate truffle. really means not much to me now.
i have my own problems to face. and i have to face it. and i will. face it. with all my strength, i will overcome this problems. give me faith. trust in me. trust yourself. i bet everyone has their own problems to face as well. so my blog here will be partly my support. the other parts will come from my inner strength. and all around me. sigh.
forget it. this is too rubbishy. forget all of it.
sigh. its time to start all over.