♥Monday, June 27, 2005.
sigh..i am feeling depressed again...i dunno why...haiz...reminded of what someone told me on sunday...it was what i ran into the toilet to cry for...i am really devastated...didnt think that they really thought of me as a person like that...please...if you really dont like me...just say it...i wont blame you if you tell me straight in the face...i will just tell you...ok, i will improve...thats all!!! its just that simple lah...i wont scream my heads of at you...and i really mean it when i say i will improve...REALLY...i am serious...but the problem is you dont tell me straight in the face...you told that someone...and now i guess...that person hates me just the same...and i am really pissed off with you...i am gonna explode ok...damn it...IDIOT...arg...arg...ARG!!!!!!!!!!!! haiz...ok...i dont want to bring it up...but what that person said keeps appearing in my mind...haiz...crying now btw...hell lah...*sigh*...ok..i shall work harder...i want to prove to them...i am not what THEY think...i am what I think...sheesh...damn idiotic freaking idiot...and i see that person every single day...i cant face the person ok...now she thinks i am a total freak...like WTH?! shitty...now she treats me like a total stanger ok...haiz...ok...but if she really wants to continue thinking that i am arrogant...ok...i will ADMIT IT! and really...i will really try to improve...i know...you will say you dont live for others you live for yourself...so why matter about others??? but no...shes a person i have to face...crap...i am totally pissed off...by THEM...same group of damn freaking people...and i actually typed some super vulgar things inside here...but i deleted it...it feels bad to see that few stupid words...haiz...haiz...HAIZ...this is a super long post about how i feel...about those damn freaking idiots...i sometimes really hate my life...not that i have depression though...but sometimes i really do...i dont understand WTH is going on...but it really makes me wonder...what do i live for...cries...the one which i have kept on the top of the list have been striked of...because of them...i now live...for probably...studying...probably studying can reduce stress...haiz...i am gonna work twice as hard...for every single thing...i am not gonna rely on them...they are just...i dont know how to explain...but i totally hate them...i know i shouldnt...yea...learn to forgive...but...ok...i will try...i will try my best...really...=(...
|| At 9:42 PM, Jocelyn thought so.♥ ||