Yes, so I thought I should share happy thoughts on my very emo blog for once. Like getting into NTU Art, Design and Media. WOOOOOOOOOTS. *throws confetti for myself because I'm well, forever alone. ._.* Haha actually no, thanks all who congratulated me and gave me an ego boost. Kekeke. As you can probably tell, I'm so happy I'm actually kind of incoherent. (Oh please, Jocelyn, you were never coherent before. Not even once.)

And I really am hoping they'll at least give me a chance at an interview for the scholarship. :S PLEASE. Because no matter what I've got to come up with money for school fees and money to buy computer and tablet and whatever the school wants me to buy. D: Study loan's an option too, but thinking about repaying the loan after I graduate...I'm extremely turned off. Though I'll have to resort to that if I really can't get any scholarship. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE. D: D: D:

I AM DESPERATE. D:

I should just continue working as I study, at least I'll be spending my own money. The fact that we just cleared our housing loan after 15 years (and kind of got forced to repay by selling my mum's Singtel shares since her CPF ran out of money) made me realise that it's honestly bloody expensive to be living in Singapore. Okay, that's kind of besides the point, but yes, I'm in need of money. My family does, actually. Since now we owe my cousin $1k for repaying the remaining housing loan for us. Yes, what the heck, even after selling shares we still didn't have enough. That's why I'm hesitant to take money from my parents from now on.

Pointless rant here, just ignore.

Ugh. Still worried about scholarship and well, money. Roar. Solutions, anyone?

Well, it's been a pretty mundane two months since my last post, except for SS3 Malaysia, but let's leave the fangirl-ing for probably, another blog or account. Actually, since then, much has happened; 'A' level results, university application, dance, SS3, but as usual, being the lazy ass I am, can't be bothered to do much.

So. Results. I would say I'm pleasantly surprised, since I honestly did not expect such scores. Don't tell me I'm bullshitting when Prelims results pointed to a possible fail (come on, DUDED; I never, NEVER, even got a C.) and well, it was all pretty good...until I see people around me getting AAAB or AAAA. Which somehow tells me my AABB isn't actually a very good score (and so, my cousin says), which made me kind of depressed for a while. BUT, considering how much I actually studied for it, I'll probably have to thank God for the miracle He bestowed on me, because it's pretty much an impossible feat. LOOK AT MY ECONS, IT WENT FROM A U TO A A. I don't even know; I was pretty close to tears when I saw my score. Well, I was pretty upset about Chemistry since it was my favourite subject. But really, I ought to be thankful for being able to achieve so much when I studied so little. Must be some kind of a...miracle. Yes.

Now, I'm waiting for University Application results with bated breath, because I really, really want to get in. WITH A SCHOLARSHIP. Okay, honestly speaking, my results, a scholarship, what? I know, right. Hopefully, they'll look past that and decide I probably have some kind of leadership qualities they might want. I shudder at the thought of that, because that would mean some kind of leadership position and well...I don't think I'm up for it. Well, let's just see what happens.

Moving on to less academic-related stuff, we got into finals for InMySeoul! I don't know, but this is all pretty exciting for a noob who started out dancing around...a year ago? Well, we got in with our sing and dance performance of Shy Boy, and we'll be performing Shady Girl this coming Saturday. I'm going to just sit here and hope with all my might that my voice doesn't crack or something. GO SGK! :D

All right, I'm getting a little tired. Shall be off to do other things. Till the next time I'm back! Tata!

It hurts so much that I can't even remember the life I've had before these things happened. They made me stronger, but at the same time, I became more vulnerable. Peoples' expectations became my own. Fuck whoever said 'be yourself' and 'people love you the way you are'.

I'm so tired of putting up a strong front, for acting like I know what I'm doing when I honestly don't, for having to hold up a mask of perfection and confidence. I should have know, I was never good enough for this.

Results will be released on the 4th of March, if information is right. That's 3 weeks away. DAMN. Which means application is likely to follow soon after and I've got to finish up my portfolio and stuff before that. Instruction on their page is a little vague; am I supposed to submit a physical portfolio accompanied by a CD with all the materials or just the CD? I'm assuming it's the former, since they said copies of works are to be submitted. Oh well, being the kiasu Singaporean I am, I shall prepare both. It's going to be pretty uh...tedious? I've managed to sort out some works to submit, but I've yet to write down stuff about them. Then there's personal statement, which in a mere 300 words essay I have to cover so many points, including 3 indivduals who have inspired me. Excuse me, but excluding the reasons why I want to join ADM and why should ADM accept me, I have approximately 60 words for each individual. Then there's creative writing/film, for which the second option is entirely not viable since I'm a sucker at multimedia stuff. So all I can say is, beware my powderful Engrish.

Then there's the 3 drawings which I'm pretty excited about, but I'm worried, because I'm the kind of person who'll take eons to do something and chuck it away in the end. It's the same logic behind why I feel like I want to throw every single piece of my artwork into the bin. A little warped, I know, but that's the way it is, and if I don't start NOW, literally, I'm 100% sure I'll still be working on it the day before the submission deadline. (Even if I say so, I'm pretty sure I won't start work until 1 week later.) Whole lot of excuses like, I need more practice on observational drawing before I do the actual one, need some time to find inspiration for the designs and comic strip, etc. My life is full of fail, I'm serious. Why can't I churn out creative juices, or even better, be oozing them out.

So this post has turned entirely into a rant about university application which should have either occurred earlier, or turned up later. Go figure, my brain works in a way even I don't get.

Maybe it's time I go organise my portfolio and never touch it again until submission day.

I know I'm supposed to sit down and come up with resolutions for this year, but I'm almost sure that they'll be ones I failed to achieve last year. Like my training to do a split. Gosh. I should just forget about it. Maybe I'll do it when I get really bored, which probably will never happen because I'm too occupied to even blog.

Today was an awesome day, which is the main reason why I'm actually blogging instead of sleeping, even though I'm really, really tired. Filmed our dance covers for the Super Junior dance competition organised by F&N today. Although I think we're a little 'chui' from all the dancing over the whole of last week, I think it'll turn out great. :D Thanks to everyone who helped us with our flash mob, by dancing/filming/playing music/supporting! I've got to say doing flash mob is pretty exhilarating! And we're really thankful to the street performer who actually lent us his speakers because ours was too soft. XD

We've got one more song to complete! Go go go! Aiik! :D :D :D

I'm too tired to think actually. Good night everyone. :)

As usual, had no incentive to blog or whatsoever, busy with dance and helping out with designs and stuff. Hopefully I can clear some of these things by this week so I can have a relaxed new year celebrations.

First time in Orchard for Christmas! :D Actually it wasn't as exciting as I thought it would be, but I'm sure New Year countdown will be much better. :D

All right, shall set off for work soon. :D

I'm really thankful to those who participated in the No Other dance project. (: I must say we did a pretty good job, considering most of us don't have any dance background, and well, we survived. (: Now, I've got to worry about the editing. It's been years since I've touched any video editing software, and although I have trust in my own capabilities, the problem lies in getting the program. I shall attempt the trial version of Ulead Video Studio tomorrow, though the last time I used it was in, what, primary school? Too bad I don't have a Mac, because iMovie was pretty user friendly.

Honestly, besides dancing, aimless wandering, making lousy drawings, and reading in dribs and drabs, I haven't exactly done much. Oh, and I totally forgot fangirl-ing, which is going on almost every single moment I'm online or something like that. It feels kind of surreal; it's like, every day is Saturday. All kinds of awesome though, so I'm not complaining. (:

I'm fed up with my own lack of digital art skills, which resulted in me trying to use the stupidest way to attempt to convert a sketch into a computer graphic. For the record, I haven't used a computer to create any form of graphic since..Sec 2? Even then, I didn't even complete my logo before I quit. And after I've fiddled with the pen tool for almost 3 hours, I chucked the whole project away because it was too hideous. As much as I think the sketch already looks ugly and out of proportion, it looks a hell lot better than the ugly fixed lines on the computer. And since I managed to keep the sketch page surprisingly clean this time, save for a few lines and marks. And for once, I don't have to tear out the pages following it just because of my pencil marks getting engraved in them. Or maybe it's just because I haven't coloured it. Which poses a big problem because I am just that bad at colouring.

Enough of ranting about horrendous drawings. I'm actually pretty happy because I received my Kyochon calendar and Oppaya stuff. The amount of Sungmin is gratifying, I swear. (That's the main reason I bothered getting Kychon calendar, because there were lots of pictures of Sungmin, surprisingly. XD) Now, I'm worrying about how to get that adorable cushion from Fall in Min. Wish me luck. :S Cheap sources for fan goods don't come easy. D:

All right, I'm suffering the repercussions of staring at the puny netbook screen for 4 hours trying draw something which eventually failed; I think I'm becoming a little cross eyed here. I'm full of fail, I know.

To sidetrack a little, I ended up not going for STGCC. Which is pretty retarded considering how much I raved about it, but well, all 3 days were spent dancing and dinner dates which left no time for me to rush down to have a look. But I'm not too upset about it, since I get to save $10 on entrance fee (which isn't helpful since dinners over these few days were expensive.).

Getting extremely tired, after sitting in front of the computer the entire day..reading fanfics. Haha, holidays are absolutely awesome.

All right, shall go read Get Backers and sleep early. (: